The Next Level

I went to Bikram Yoga today I finally touched my forehead to the floor during the standing separate leg pose. I cannot explain the joy I got from the compression of forhead and mat; I was happy to be make yoga progress even though I hadn't been back in almost two weeks. I also decided to go half naked, like most of the yogis do, since you sweat the whole class, and that of course took me to another level of self love and acceptance, regarding my body. I say another level because I have already been on that path, but staring at yourself in a mirror, all sweaty, in twisty positions... yeah, that takes you to that next level.

Speaking of next levels...

Andrew is back in the picture, sorta. He comes and goes these days. If you don't know, Andrew is the guy I met when I lived in London two and half years ago. We kept in touch for two years, always dodging the we-like-each-other-but-dont-want-to say-it issue until last summer when we finally confessed it all and decided to try a more than friends long distance thing. So in November I went to visit him and I discovered I was unsure about the whole thing, and he freaked out on me as well. No big deal, I met my new French friends AC and hot-stuff-Thibault and hung with them, but then Andrew and I didnt speak again, until he started calling me again in January saying he still wanted me. So we had a conversation and decided to hold onto each other until some day when perhaps we are in the same city again or decide to move, if we still feel the same. And now, I hear from him every so often, and I get all confused. I talked to him yesterday and the day before. I just dont know. It's as if I know him, well this idea i have in my head of him that I have sculpted out of the few memories i have of him, phone and email conversations, but then there are times I feel so distant from him (well, duh, we are on separate continents). I know that I have never felt so wanted by someone else, and I have never desired someone as much as him; in fact, sometimes I intuit that we'll end up together...and that scares me.