I just can't. I can't go back to absolute normal yet. I don't want to. I want the rest of the world to know Chase is gone and that it matters. That we all need to pause, but I mean lost of people die right, lots of people who didnt have half the good life that Chase did, so it's kinda selfish to ask that of the world, but I feel a loss. He's goen from my life, and I feel that and that is real to me.
I can't write. I need to write, but I was writing the lead male role (the only real male role) in my beloved Trinidad, for Chase. Just two Sundays ago I told hiim at Brian's superbowl party....Chase I am still writing this part for you, we'll finally get to act together. I will continue to write that part for him....no one will be able to fill his part. I will honor him with my work...once I can start doign it again, because right now I can't. I can't write it, I dont' want to. Not yet. I don't want to confirm with creative ink that he is gone. I'll remember him writing here...but not like that.
I don't want life to be normal without him. He was my kindred spirit. I dont think he knew how big of a part he played in my life.
God Chase. How can you be gone? You're my family here. You're the reason I saw plays.
Who wouldve thought, years ago, that we'd be here, you a good friend, and now gone because of some stupid ass who thought he was okay to drive. Anybody else. why you? I just don't knwo. And I don't want the answer yet.
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oh, claudia. I so wish I could be there to hold you and remember with you.
don't go back to "normal" if normal means forgetting, being complacent, to not doing things associated with Chase. If that part is for Chase, then that character will wait for you until you're ready to revisit him.
only you will know what's right- when to cry, when to write, when to take a day to stay in bed and mourn. Just know that I love you and that though I can't do much for you from across the country, you've been in my thoughts constantly.
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