At first I didn't want to believe what my friend Elena was telling me about men, but I am now convinced that even though I don't want to believe it, even though I don't consider myself a "game player" in relationships, even though most men aren't aware of this particular game they play, it's just plain true.
When I first started my little affair with a certain "source of drama" she was there with a similar story to guide me. Now for those of you who know me, I am not easily guided and I do not just take anyone's advice. But I opened myself up to her words of wisdom since she has ten years experience on me, and she'd tell me "Girl, I tell you these things so you don't make the mistakes I made. I am __(ten yrs older than me) and I have learned."
It's as simple as this....and girls you'll probably say, duh, we know that:
As soon as you make yourself available to a guy, or if you go after him, he won't be after you.
I hated hearing this. I said...no I don't play those games, and I know that the guys who want me know that about me and aren't the game playing kind of guys either. And frankly I don't want a guy who won't let me go for him and be the same back.
Oh early twenties Claudia. I mean maybe things will eb different when I am older. Who knows, but I have dated guys from 22-early forties and I am realizing now that I can look back at those relationships or situations, it's been the same at a every age. And this simple truth comes in every shape form and style. There are the guys that straight up want the chase, and admit it. There are the guys who throw themselves passionately at a girl, but when she reciprocates he pulls away for some strange reason. There are the relationships that seem normal and not to abide by this truth but the real reason its that way is because the girl is has an inkling of a doubt about it all and subconsciously the guy senses this and stays. There are the times when we girls make the mistake of sending that email or the text to him because we want to and we dont want to play games or we think he;ll like it, and though he does...somehow he doesn't respond the way we expect or as soon. I have tested this one...I have found that when I don't reply or call back or email/text at all, the guy comes running after me or seeks me out like he hadnt before, and when I do put myself out there...it metaphysically pushes him away or takes him longer to long for me.
Now this doesn't mean that now I am a game player when pursuing relationships or just dating. But it has reminded me of another truth that is even more significant:
Ladies, we need to have so much respect for ourselves, our bodies, and recognize our worth so much that we have no need to be running after men. Because we are too wonderful to not be desired. We deserved to be wanted, and loved, but we need to do that for ourselves first. Because it's when we believe these things about ourselves that others will treat us as such.
Affirmation: I have much to offer. I am worthy of admiration. I am worth a man/woman wanting to be with me. I am worth putting myself first.
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I wonder what it would be like to be one of those people. Those 50 year old confident people, that have truely settled into their own skin. So much so, that from time to time, they can put themselves out there and say how they really feel. No need for game, no need for sacrifice of their own concerns. What would that be like?
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