First Things First

Ive been moving into the apartment across the hall all day ( i love moving, i really do), and I got this sudden feeling that I was going to be alone: as I folded my intimate apparel, tucking it into my flower lined drawer, hung my Audrey frame over my teal writing desk, I periodically reminded myself that it was the New Year! and things were supposed to be different.

I never believed in resolutions, because I never believed New Year's Day was any different than any other, and if I wanted to change my life there was no point in waiting for that day to do it. But this year, perhaps because it's been such a trying year, this year I felt such a strong longing for today and what this new number would bring. What kept frustrating me as I put my things in my new place was that I knew nothing would be different if I didn't make it different, and suddenly I felt compelled to make a list of things I wanted to do. And so I discovered the "Resolution." And if it wasn't that I discovered the Resolution on the day I was moving into a smaller cheaper apartment, I probably wouldn't have felt as compelled to make them. I don't even know what they will be...I'm making them up now because I can't continue to move things with such anxiety....

in no particular order...
A) Spend less time alone- I am very good at being alone, but I love the company of those I love, and I need to make more of an effort to "see" people...
B) Live like an artist- maybe ill finally finish my painting? or the writing projects I began last year...or live the way I used to live where everything was so beautiful and the smallest moment or object could be the source of inspiration and pleasure.
C) Get back on track with my health- I've been poor these past few months and have really let go...
D) Get a job- you know, i don't know about this one. I know I need to get a job. But as soon as I thought about it I thought...well make acting my job...and then I remembered that despite being day-job-less, last year my main source of income was from acting...so I guess the real goal this year is realllllly go after it fiercely...
E) I wanna be in a relationship- I said that for myself last year, but I think it was a year of just letting go, and enjoying moments as they came, but it would be nice to cultivate a relationship with a romantic partner :)
F) Spend more time on my community- I want to run for SLNC again when elections come up in March, and I want to do a better job at it.
G)Apply for grad school.....could this finally be the year???
H)


And because I really don't believe in Resolutions..more will probably surface. OOh like, make my bed, be tidy, and put things back where they belong. I tell myself those everyday.