One Margarita is all it took....I'm a cheap date...but not in that way.

Leaving the Breaking Ice Team behind at the little airport cafe, I was holding back tears- partly because I'd just eaten real TX BBQ brisket, but mostly because I waas leaving my friends again- really wonderful people who I miss and who inspire me.

Breaking Ice is a Pillsbury House Theatre company that I worked with in Mpls with which I have done some of my most fulfilling work. It's a company that continually challenges people and the artist. To explain the work we do is hard enough in person, so blog form is even worse, but because they travel to do shows, they asked me to join them again for a west coast/dallas tour performing a show I helped create. I of course jumped at the chance.

This time the company was a bit different, but a great group comprised of...

Ellen:who is also a dear friend, fellow artist, and co-member of Lighthouse Group Theater Company (A group I am still a part of though I moved away).

Kurt: One of the funniest people I know, who I also told I had a huge crush on him the night of my birthday (read May14's blog).

Jonas: My lovely boy, we went to acting school together, I took care of him one night in ER freshman year, and who is super successful young leading man at the Guthrie these days.
John: Who I met and worked with before but definitely got to know better on this trip, he kept me laughing the whole time and inspired me like dali cause he produces so mcuh work and takes so many risks.

Alex: A new member, but what a good soul.
Anton: The new super chill company manager

AND
Heidi: A great spirited director who is so accepting of the individual and who is constantly challenging the work.
Meeting up with them at first it felt like very little time had passed, I mean , yeah, I had a lot of catching up to do with folks (Ellen, in particular, as we like to share dating dramas.), but I was amazed at how much of the show i had retained. At rehearsal in Sacramento that first night I was overjoyed to be performing again. To warm up, rehearse, use my b ody and voice and creativity!

I MISS THAT SO MUCH; DONC, I NEED TO PRODUCE WORK.

We were also hooked up with awesome hotels every night, though Ellen and me were let down by the Bathroom goodies.

Sunday night we ate at Hamburger Mary's and then hung out in Ellen's room where John took polaroids of us with his facy polaroid camera (pictures up soon).

The next day the performance was good- not at its best- but good.
Highlights:
We started the "jam" so slow that Ellens aid her phrase "Thousands of possibilities..." so slowly Kurt thought she had cracked.

Alex not knowing what scene was next so he moved a chair and stood at the back of Kurt and Ellen's scene leaving people to wonder what a black man was doing in their kitchen.

Me sitting in the sidelines, checked out, so I didn't realize the scene had ended even though there was a 30 sec long pregnant pause where people were wiating for my line.

Ah Well...

On to Los Angeles.

At brunch I sat with Jonas. (And ate liek 5 mini croissants.) It was the first time in a while I sat with someone and had an engaging conversation about politics, life, art. I mean with many LA-ers I have the usual, "yeah Bush sucks, whats up with the country conevrsation....insert headline here....including the big news that LA dogs can sniff out DVDs now to protect against pirating....

But jonas and i had an actual conversation. I miss those. Not because I get to hear myself speak or blah blah blah, but because I learn so much listening.

That night, at the Hyatt near Disneyland we had dinner nearby, real Mexican, so of course we were all gassy later in the night.

The next day we performed our most solid show. Perhaps thanks to Ellen's Haitian warmup which Jon did so well...no really Jon :-)

Unfortunatley that audience did not provide me and Ellen any men for us to choose as our pretend boyfriends.

At the airport...Ellen made me aware of something I knew and I am sure others were also aware of but had anyone else said anything I would've hit the defense button ASAP:

I have not been choosing guys...men...who treat me well.
I mean I guess Tony did(toowell), and Cleveland, and Adam and Taylor and Peter (btw these boys weren't all at the same time, we're talkign several years of dating.)
So i guess that statements not entirely true, I mean i date to figure out if a guy will work out and so far none have. SO I end it and thats why I havent had a relationship. Because why push something that won't work? right?

But I do think I have been movign too quickly into physical relationships. That's something I know is not in my character and I don't want it to be. I mean it happened recently with the TV guy (so now when I see him at work I try to forget anything ever happened.) But i had hoped and actually believed it would be more. But like Ellie and me discussed when she picked me up form the airport....guys here are strange. Tehy freak out over imaginary problems.

Well anyhoo...point is...I haven't met a guy in LA who has been suitable, or frankly, thats smart enough (and i have met a few.)

So funnily Ellen stuck an article in my French book whiel I was sleeping on the plane, the article being about how smart men in LA are really tired of the dumb actress/pretty type. My question is, where are these men and how do I find them?

Enough of that.

On our last night together we had dinner at a nice restaurant in Dallas where I had ONE Margarita and that's all it took to get me.... well too affect me. Afterall I had been detoxing, but apparently I was saying crazy things to Jon and Jonas. HAHA. The next day I felt sick. And consequently that BBQ at the airport made me feel even worse.



Here are some more funny moments....

Jon turning to Anton saying," You're black? I thought you were raggae."

Jon telling us about his ex with bad breath: Her breath smelled so bad my shit started to smell like it... because when we kissed we were sharing bacteria.

Jon saying: I'm gonna sleep like a Mexican Chili.

Jon using: Boom wak as his rhythm in the Jam.


Hahhaha that Jon.

I miss them already.

Perhaps I"ll see them soon...

les Petit moments

Last night at 1 am, Sam and I decided we were hungry so we took off to Bossa Nova where a fight broke out and police hurried in with rifles.

A 1.5 Hour drive turned into a 4 hour drive when I got lost driving out to Riverside to discuss music with Cleveland. But I did it and we're on our way to composing music to my play.

Punky Brewster (Soleil Moon Frye) was standing behind me at Pink Berry today.

In the elevator on Friday a man thought I was Persian.

If I don't leave soon, I am going to finish all the green m&ms.

Work was long today, not just because I was there forever but because I was in pain the first half of the day unable to do work or take medicine since i had been detoxing and medicine would only make it worse. In any case I scarfed down two bagels to fill my stomach so I could take advil, and now tonight I feel horrible, though earlier the advil helped quite a bit, as did Rhys's randy candy(the green m&ms ) he keep sin his office. You see, my uteris was on fire today ( i feel no shame in stating this), on fire, desiring a baby, as I told Ben earlier, but since I refuse to give it a baby, chocolate will suffice until the pain is gone.

Slowly I am becoming aware of the quirks of this city, that I was warned about, but was blind to because of all my excitement to disocover this city without holding on to any assumptions or presuppositions. The one quirk I was exposed to this week was how people in this city tend to make tiny little issues the end of the world, which consequently makes any other worse problem twice as big, so that the real world issues lose a place in the spectrum and are then forgotten about. At one point this week the fact that the coffee in the break room was not dark enough became a community issue, all while Korea is making nuclear plans with buddy countries. I love the people I work with. They always give me quirks to laugh about. Thanks to Ben, i am reminded of world issues while I am at work, so when I start thinking the fact that I didn't send an email will be the end of the world, he brings up articles that argue our f-in gov't will be instead. Thank goodness I keep a NYTimes Widget on the Mac as well, and have started listening to NPR since I haven't charged my iPod in months.

This weekend I get to see my Breaking Ice friends and I am SOOOOOOO excited to see them and spend time with them and perform with them again.

Today's my favorite number day.

Cara de Chancla number 3 is born.

There's a necklace that hangs around my neck that I bought as a symbol to nnot be so quick to give away my spirit, my heart, my self....and some how I'd ignored it for a while (perhaps I need to hang it in front of my eyes) and I have let myself once again get caught up in being overly hopeful to find companionship- not a serious relationship, not marraige, not ooh this feels good love- just a companion.

That said...Tv guy is out of the picture romantically...due to the fact that he does still have some growing up to do and I feel slightly disrespected by him for reasons I won't express. I need to focus on my creative journey again- so I am forcing myself to do the artist way, though I haven't written morning pages in days...and I am more than excited to see my Breaking Ice people next week, to actually be a performer again.

Ben told me not to write a blog about our weekend till he left, but I knew the stuff that came up today would end up taking over, but enough said about all that....here's more about my fabulous weekend with Ben! who came to visit me from Minneapolis.

Friday night.
Ben arrives. We eat a delicious meal at Bassa Nova. Here he is smiley after eating perfect plantains.


Saturday.
We wake up and have a great Urth cafe Breakfast, walk back down Melrose, and then drive up to American Apparrel where he buys the most obnoxious neon colored shirt (which you see me grimacing at below) and where I buy A hot pink dress which the gay salesman taught me to wear in eight different styles. Gotta love polyester cotton.

Then we head on over to the walk of fame and to Grauman's Chinese theatre where you can see all the cemented hands and feet. This did not excite Ben as much as I had hoped, so we got some Coffee Bean, tried to do some shopping and then took off. I got call Catherine Zeta by some random man on the street. On the Sta. Monica Promenade I got called J-lo. Whats all this about. Next we ran off to the La Brea Tarpits where we had a nice walk and sit in the sun, as picture la-bas.

Those Prada glasses are not mine, theyre Ben's.
Then we go home and get allll dressed up to go to Spago, Wolfgang Puck's Restaurant in Beverly Hills. It was the most amazing dinner I have had. Not to mention the free cookie plate we got in the end which included the best chocolate chip cookie i have ever had....thank you wolfgang. The whole night I decided to be called Bianca and I spoke in an accent which was a mix of French and Spanish. Ben indulged me. It was great. He even indulged me when I had my horrible this-dress-doesnt-fit-the-same-moment.

This is us miserably full afterward...



Sunday...
We had brunch in Venice with Lars and Courtney, but have no pics of that cause I forgot the came. However....It was a wonderful day in venice. AFter brunch we strolled through the farmer's market where there was a little french band playing (could my life be written like a screenplay any more than it is?) and then we came accross the planet blue sale, yikes for my wallet, and then headed towards the beach to lay out. The highlight was strolling down the boardwalk and seeing all the wild people like the man in a speedo collecting money, anti columbus day protesters, a video game set that had 76000 games like super mario bros and donkey kong for only 30 bucks which i almost bought. And most importantly the henna tatoo I have been wanting....pictured below.


And finally, as if we hadnt eaten enough....We went to Marrakesh with Dara, my roomate, and had a marvelous morroccan meal.



That last picture is of me and Gloria, stars of the short film Foreign Currency.

Y Colorinm, colorado, este cuento se ha acabado. tan tan.

Rome fell.

I was listening to NPR this morning and they had interviewed some Republicans in regard to what's happened with Foley and his naught chats with young paiges, and they said that no matter what he did, they will still vote republican, continuing to vote for their conservative representatives because what Foley did does not speak for the whole party.

Now weh, weh, weh weh wait.
If anyone sets the example of what it means to be a member of a party its our representatives(the ones with respectivd parties at least.) Their actions, and decisions are what define what it is to be identified by a party, whether we like it or not, (i mean if you don't like it dont claim a party....i don't most of the time.) And yeah, what they do in their personals lives is besides the point, after all I do think they made too big of a deal out of Clinton in comparison to what Bush has done without admonishment...but the republicans have been doing all sorts of crap this past term so if this Foley thing doesnt change their minds then what in the world has to happen! Already we've had, murder, war, racism, bribery, lies, cover ups, and now Bush wants tot take away fair trial from detainees, I mean c'mon! And no offense family who reads this, I love you too much but am still confused as how to smart bright people like you support a party like that. WHAT WILL IT TAKE!

Republicans used to stand for smaller government; looks like party priorities have shifted quite a bit.

The problem with meeting up with friends is that I eat incessantly.

I finally took a day to recover myself....It was simple and good, and filled with inspiration and good moments with friends. Cleaning my room, I mean realllly cleaning it out, always leaves me in a good place, sorta like a mini new years, where I can start all over, anew. And Dara and I had the best sorbet I have ever had in my life at Boule. I had the Rose Raspberry with the Venezuelan Rum and Chocolate. MMMM. I also went to Gloria's game party night ( I get sooo competitive during games... I mean it...I have never lost a game of RISK.) And then had some dinner with Dara, her friend Nadine, and Nadine's friends who's name escapes me- but he was very cute. :-)

Life is really beautiful at the moment. I am at a place where I am starting to create again, and think and breathe creatively, and really sense a connection to God at even the simplest moments in the day...and that brings me joy, confidence, and peace. The truth is....regardless of all the silly little things that happen in my life-like my uncertainty about Mr.TV, my lack of income, my lack of time for working out, or my stress at work....I am always in a place where I know in the bigger picture...everything is going to be okay. And if it's not- well, as in Kabbalist thought- the Universe is balancing out.

Adam and Ellie...Perfect couple or what? Their kids are going to be painfully beautiful.
Me and Ellie with Chubs, her new pup.
My clean room, with the new cover.
My apartment, for those of you who would like to see where I live.
Gloria and me at her little soiree.

Popstarz!

Last night I get a call from Chase Korte, who I hadn't seen in about a year, and who just got back from walking accross Great Britain, literally. So I invite dhim to come out with me and justin who had been planning to get together anyway. So we headed out to Popstarz...and look at the fun that was had...

Le science de la Reve.

It's been a while since I have come out of a movie feeling joy and inspiration. But tonight...I saw The science of dreams, and life is a little different now. In my eyes, that film is a work of art, i mean ART. And if theres a film that is refelctive of how my brain works, this is one.

Are you surprised?

Today I put in the mail a letter to the Guthrie stating I will not be returning to understudy for Edgardo Mine....
Yes. That is my decision. As much as I want to see all my friends, I can always go back to visit, but I need to commit to my life and career here if I want it to work....not be tentative..you know. I need to be available these first months, for my new agent and the work I hope to get, because if I am not here, already I won't be able to get it. I also need to learn how to be an artist, and live the life I want here, and not escape everytime it gets rough. I am staying here. Je suis ici.

After a Long Day,....

When you are so meticulous in trying to make plans and make things work and then have entire workday of crazy mishaps(including locking your keys in the office late at night while trying to return shooting equipment.), you kinda have to loosen up by doing crazy spontaneous things, like Betsy coming to han gout with me at the office after mario came and unlocked the doors for me. Bets had a cravign to smoke ( or pretend spoke) clove cigarettes, because she doesnt inhale, and I needed a break and chocolate, so we headed for teh 24 hour starbucks for some coffee, fake smoking of clove cigarettes (erik laughed at how big of dorks we were.) and betsy gave me caramel cookies to dunk in the macchiato. We looked like idiots holding in the smoke to look like we were really doing it. Aaah, a good night of funni-ness.

Godo music.

I had myself a good cry today: Blake Minor's dad died yesterday, his mom having died earlier this year, and I couldn't help but think of the day I would lose my parents, my wonderful parents. It's beautiful when you start looking at the way the universe moves itself, the wya life balances out, becoming sensitive to the patterns and the music as opposed to individual occurrences. I have been reading about string theory....The smallest compriser of stuff they theorize are tiny one dimmensional vibrating strings, sort of like a quantum symphony, and that is what comprises all physical matter. We are composed of vibrating bands. Music. And my life, with its ups and downs, joys and griefs, has been playing a sort of jazz. A jazz that jars me awake with death, and puts me to sleep with love. Or at least a new "love." One that makes me happy and passionate. And if it doesnt go beyond this measure of my life.......on to the next movement right?

I am actually in the midst of figruing out what the theme of the next movement is...
I have been offerred a really good deal at Vantage poitn productions....pays well, plus I signed and agent this week...and I am beginning ot wonder if going back to the Guthrie is a good idea or not.

The question is...Do I want to pursue producing, directing and writing....?
Or do I honor my contract with the G, and take the opportunity to see all my wonderful friends?

As Promised.

I said I would put up the web address to my target.com spot when it came out.
Just so you know, the wardrobe people had bought everything big so i look pretty frumpy, and the lady who did my hair...well you'll see...

http://sites.target.com/site/en/corporate/page.jsp?contentId=PRD03-002477

go there and click on the Design link. Then you click on my silhouette.

Voila mon amix!

Ay AY AY

I missed it.
I missed Mexico's independence day...and consequently my grandmother's birthday.
And she lives in Mexico.
Well....Happy Mexican independence.

I've got a second. A second.

SO sorry dear readers for not having written as often as I did in Minneapolis. Not because there is nothing going on in my LA life, but because I am constantly moving, not having much time to just sit and write. But anyhow....

Here's the brief summary of late:

1. CA just passed the no cell phones while driving law.
2. I have a crush on a co-worker at the TV office.3. I havent cleaned my room and its a dreadful mess.
4. I quit Zara, did I mention that already?
5. I continue filming tomorrow.
6. I start auditioning classes and met some awesome people (the guy who's lindsey lohan's love interest in Just my Luck is int he class with me, including a kinda annoying 18 yr old really greeeen young wannabe actress. ah, not annoying, just young.)
7. VINCENT FINALLY GOT KICKED OFF PROJECT RUNWAY< PRAISE THE LORD.

More to come...

La vie est belle.

I had a pretty great weekend.

We started shooting Foreign Currency this weekend, where I play the lead in a short film about trafficking women, and it was a good time. Cast and crew were godo people, and....well, I am seeing the director, not just with my eyes but in real life. SO it was comfortable to work with him, except i felt a lot of pressure in my own mind to do well because I didnt want to mess up the movie of someone i cared about. I think it will do well. Houstonians: he's thinking of submitting it to a texas film festival so you may be able to see it. I am still amazed at how many minnesotans i meet here.

Afterword I cam home to a roomate and a puppy. Dara's bene dog sitting a petite chienne que s'appelle Daisy. So cute and adorable, and we had a good time walking her around the block as I spoke evry bit of French I knew because......

This morning I had my first french lesson! Which went very well. I want to speak it beacoup. I guess I taught myself pretty well, says the teacher too, and I actually know a little more than what the level requires. I mess up like evryone else but I think a trip in Paris is in order in the near future, to practice, you know.

Also waiting to hear back when I start working at the TV office again, since I quit Zara. very exciting stuff. En generale, Life is good.

I am making this face now.

No... nothign smells bad, I just have a grain of rice stuck up my nasal passage.

Things have been looking up, and I feel I am narrowing in on what I am supposed to do with my near future life, maybe. I will begin by saying i have been given keys to the tv production office ( i am somewhat official now!) Hmmm. I have always said i want to create and produce work......so why am i not doing that.

I think I ate bad cheese. this is the end of the blog. I want to go curl up in pain.

Blink.

I went home for two days this weekend, primarily for my cousin Chris's wedding. It went by too fast, but it was a good weekend.

I got to see my BFF Amanda and her BF Brian. I miss her so much and I look forward to the day when we live in the same city again. Well they were kind enough to invite me along to dinner with Brian's cousins, who (by the way) are such a genetically beautiful family, and super nice and fun to be around. Definitely a good night, the highlight being that I got to spend time with my girl. His cousins are also friends with the Bagwell's (as in Baseball) and apparently I look like Jeff's wife Erica.

Amanda-email me the pics so I can post one, even the ones you dont like...:-)

Also, Congratulations to Ellie who got engaged last week in Monaco Princess Grace style!
I predict the order of engagements will go Ellie then Amanda then Lindsey then me. Amanda thinks I am next. Maybe it will be Lindsey.....hmmm. Let's wait and see. ALso congrats to my cousin Areli who is now engaged!

Next day...saw my great grandma and my great aunt, who were telling me the only words they could speak in English after 35 years of living here, and several years of citizenship (those words were coffee, milk, and window.).

THEN....Chris and Andrea's wedding. May the pics speak for how much fun it was to be around everyone.


IF the slide show doesnt come up try clicking the question mark,.

Focusing on Input, not Output.

Sooo. I met someone, and the funny thing is we'd both lived in the same city for about five years until he moved here in january and i moved in july, and it took us a cross country move to meet, which jus tgoes to show that things happen for a reason cause had we met in Minneapolis, the timing would have been wrong, but now the timing is good and he excites me, and it all scares me cause its been fairy tale like perfect so far. Like when last night he made me dinner, since i was standing by watching he pulled me aside and we danced, and then we sat and studied together, and talked. Such a good friend so far too. It's been good, real good, and life is good.

TV Claudia.

CONGRATULATIONS to my friend Ben who has been offerred an internship at the UN in NY. I am SOOOOO Jealous and very happy for him.

So.....I feel like I have been drowning in all the things I do, not being a able to focus on anythign well enough to improve or to enjoy it, sooo I have decided to choose something to focus on each week. Obviously there are things I need to always like submit myself for auditions, i will be starting french lessons soon, i need to workout and go to dance class and so forth. But beginning this next week....I will be Claudia...the intellectual....and I think the week after that...Claudia the Musician. There.. And Erik inspired me to go for the job I want no matter how little time i have before i go to MN.

Note to all the friends I left behind and have ever left behind.....Being away from you....I have realized more than I already knew how wonderful you guys are and I miss you terribly.....

Today I worked as a PA for a TV production company. Twas fun, and they've invited me back....twice more.

PS> I have been cheating on my fast.

Swing dancer but not a swing voter.

TOnight I went swing dancing at the historic Derby Night club; I went to meet the director of the short/student film I am shooting in september, tony ( who i now have a crush on...is this bad?) Whatever happened to men wearing hats? I loved seeing them dance around spinning girls and things. This one older bald man asked me to dance and he flung me all over, doing some stpe that was very not swing, and then hugging me like a big bear and shaking me. He also dipped me several......several times and evern held me there upside down for a while. All good fun.


You know they (they who?) always said there would be tough times when pursuing an acting career, especially in LA, and they always talk about the lack of food the lack of money the lack of jobs. I am finding that the hardest part in my pursuit is all the in between stuff, like not being hard on myself, etc..

Georgey finally signed something good. the bill that allows employers to automatically enroll people in 401k plans. That way people who normally owuldnt, cause they have no idea what it is...can start saving for retirement....He still doesnt' get my vote though.

Can you believe it!

I completed writing a piece. Nuff Said.

A Break from Writing.

So if you want a "me", as I am sure many of you do...Apparently this is how you get "me". Hey, I didn't make it up. The quiz page said so.

How to make a Claudia Vazquez

Ingredients: 3 parts intelligence 5 parts ambition 1 part empathy

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of fitness

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Neo was lucky.

Today I tried to write and study and I couldnt...I felt like my brain had been turned to poop. Everyday I feel like i am getting less and less intellgient and losing credibility, and I long for the days when I used to constantly be nurturing my mind. I feel like the moment I got here the ball started rolling and I havent been abel to stop it. And I keep trying make my life here, do the things I am accustomed to... like take dance and yoga, and take long walks and read, and all I can think about is how much I missed being an artist and creating, and constantly working and living life and I only wish I could have that here, in LA. But I can't; it's different and i know I have to put that behind me to be able to start my life here. I know that. But so far, the person I am here is not me to my full potential. It's me driving in traffic, and me spending time on the internet, and me thinking abotu the things I want to be doing, and me not doing them.

(Inside voice says: Calm down claudy, you've only just moved here, and it's a big move. Plus, you're still only 23 and though people like the Futurists were already big artists in their early twenties, it's 2006 and some people go into their thirties before their work really starts flourishing.)

I dont want to say I USED to play the guitar, or I USED to dance, or I USED to be a writer, or I USED to be an activist, or I USED to be healthy, or I USED to be smart. But dang it, it may have been easy for Leonardo and Mr Jefferson to be renaissance men in their day, but in these days of specialization it's a tad tougher to become renaissance woman.

I want to be hooked up to the machine Neo got plugged in to in the matrix and download all desired knowledge into my head.

Re-union with the ocean and an old friend....

I moved here six weeks ago form Minne-snow-duh, and I had not been to the beach.....until today. The beach, which i consider my most spiritual place to be....the beach -which is the quintessential image of warm places.....the beach - where you can be naked in your undies in public....

Jeremy, who I hadn't seen in five (six) years came to visit, and we had a great day there, ate some dippin dots, laid out for a while, me..convinced I would get a freckled tan because there was sand all over me..., watching a man clean and finish killing a little eel he caught. I didn't go in the water, because...as most of my friends know......i dont like fish, perhaps admiring their biological beauty from afar, but eating them....no, and defnitely not sharing the same space(or water with them), yuck. Me da bastante asco. I know...I am wierd.

I have a date this week. Hmm. We'll see. Maybe I will let myself like someone for a change. Really like someone. And if it happens....I can laugh about how I came home saying I met an annoying guy the first night I met him. He he. P/S too, I hate hate hate hate that people automatically expect negativity from people, like when I am working at the store and a customer has a problem or needs to work something out and they come in with these huffy puffy attitudes and they act like children while all i am trying to do is help them....Ibanga was right, (and boy does he know me...) I was never meant to work regular retail. Not when I know I could restructure the company to help it survive the american market, and all i am doing is ringing up crazy people who say racist things to my managers.

This is the ocean, as seen from my butt....

Here we are....those glasses are thanks to my flatmate Dara....:-)

You Can See Me!

About two minutes into the song there is a close-up flash of me dancing. And at the beginning when she walkes though the door there is a couple dancing in a corner, you can see my pale arm dancing about in the shadow. Very excited. There are other parts where I know its me, but its hard to see in this dark copied version, so look for me on TV!

I really shouldn't have...

SO tonight I met up with Mr. Wayne, who happened to be in LA from Vegas (break from the circus I guess.) and i saw Harris and Gabe from high school!!!! which was wild, but then Wayne took us to party over past where sunset and hollywood meet(the end of the world.) and all the way up a hill where a friend of his lives in a castle, which had the best view of los angeles and the skyline i have seen yet. This place was also being used to film a reality show, and to tape music videos, and apparently this guy plans the big ass parties as his job. Keith was this awesome man with suuuuper long dreads and a room where we all hung out and played accordians, mouth accordians, jembes, triangles and a huge gong at like 2 am. then wayne and me explored the place, i mean this place was crazzzzzzzzy amazing. WIth pools, and wells, and rooms, and grassy lawns and tennis courts all overlooking LA from the top of the hill. Overall a good night.

At HSPVA I was an actor not a dancer.

SO Today I went to Jazz 2 at the edge, and heheh, um, I can't dance like i used to. I mean I htought jazz 2 would be okay but no....I walke dout after the warmup, which I could do jsut fine, I just wasnt as felxible as the pre teen girls and, I knew the actual danc epart would be that much harder, so um, I am goign back tomorrow to the movement for actors class, to reconnect with my dance self after two years of no official dance class.

ON A MUCH MORE EXCITING NOTE>

Last night I hung out with a group of HSPVA friends for Courtney's bday. It was sooo greta being around them again. I love my HSPVA people, and i am glad we're all in the same city again. Here are some moments of the night....Highlights being, the picture where I look like a porn star, courtney carrying crippled rachel down the street, chris's bday lap dance for courtney.

Illegal Schmegal

QUOTED FROM AN ARTICLE IN THE NEW YORK TIMES>>> discussing the rapid growth of mexican americans in the South, specifically Georgia.

“The way the Mexicans have children, they’re going to have a majority here soon,” Mr. Corbitt, 76, said.

“I have children and grandchildren,” he said. “They’re going to become second-class citizens. And we’re going to be a third world country here if we don’t do something about it.”

FIRST OF ALL. There is no way we can become a third class country because of a rising number of Mexican Americans or Illegal immigrants, especially since they have been shown to improve the economy in many cases(particulary in the worlds third largest economy, California.) We would have to be thrown off the economic playing field which would require some act much greater.

SECONDLY. Why would his grandchildren become second class citizens? Are immigrants who are trying to improve their lives, find new and more prosperous work in the "land of opportunity" second class citizens because they have to start from the bottom and work their way up? Were Mr. Cornitt's ancestors second-class citizens, when -as immigrants- they did the same, in which cases we have all become second class citizens according to his logic.

THIRDLY. "The way Mexicans have children!" Probably the more obviously racist thing he said. My mom is Mexican- she had two. My grandma had 12...because she didn't use public sevices for healthcare or contraception. And she had most of them at home.

TO ALL OF YOU WHO THINK THAT MEXICANS COMPRISE THE MAJORITY OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS IN THIS COUNTRY-

You're wrong. Most immigrants are not from Latin America. The majority are from Canada, Europe, Asia, and India and they have come here legally but overstayed their visas. A lesser percentage is made up of those crossing th river. I mean it's not as easy as it sounds. For a mexican to even get a visa to visit it costs 150 dollars to apply, and then they have to be approved, which doesnt always happen. And.....if they choose to do it by crossing over, often they drown or get killed, or get separated from their families. All the while, Mr. who knows who is flyign over from asia to work for some country, visa acquired through said company, then decides to stay a little longer, so he's illegal, and uses public services, and blah blah blah all the other bad things illegals do, and then the mexicans get blamed. get over it you ameri-nazis! when our country is doing nothing about the mess in the MIddle east right now, which is surprising because it usually likes the act like a meddlign mother in every other case.

What Am I Doing With My Time?

This is the story of a girl who always knew was she was about, who knew she wanted to work in government or with a human rights organization and go back to grad school for law or public policy, but was going about it in arealllllllllllly roundabout way.

This is the story of a girl who moved out to LA as a transition to grad school because last fall she realized her art (and a very successful artist career in Mpls) did not fulfill her.

This is the story of the girl who moved to LA and got so caught up in teh excitement of the entertainment industry that she forgot for a second what she was about- forgot about her brain, her concern for those in need an sufferring, and what she is actually capable of.

So now what? That's exactly what I have been asking myself. ANd also why I haven't blogged- I've been going through some serious re-prioritization. I got so lost and excited in LA-ness that I forgot how much it's not what I want to end up doing. But I also don't want to give up so easily something I am good at, something i know i can seceed in, and something I have spent so long preparing for. It just doesn't seem like enough to me to desire to be on TV shows, which I don't even watch, when there are people dying in Lebanon, or when women are being murdered in Guatemala for standing up for their rights, or when there are congressman trying to keep minimun wage down regardless fo the crazy inflation in this country. At the same time. I LOOOOVe beign an artist, and now that I am starting to watch TV, i mean, it's good, and I did just get the lead role in a student short. It's been like this for a while. One week I want to be Senator Vazquez, the next week Claudia Estrella. I am just really trying to figure life out right now, livign every moment and siezing every opportunity becuase I dont' want to look back when I am eighty and say I wish i had tried this or that.

Other than that....

Go see LIttle Miss Sunshine...It's hilarious.

Pdiddy Video premieres August tenth on BET I think.

Cleveland's here now; funny how we stopped dating cause I was moving to LA and now he's here too. :-) I joke with him telling him he followed me here. He honestly didn't. It just worked out that way for his career.

Get out of my Parking space.

Some stories:

I went to lunch at EatWell. and they had paper for tablecloths and crayons on each table, so while I was waiting for my food i colored my whole table. When I left I glanced at what the lonely old man at the next table had written on his table: Why has the FBI not noticed me........

On my way home from the gym I had some difficulty parking in the lot behind my apartment because apparently someone was shooting a movie.

The Grove.

It was a humid, breezy Friday night and she made sure to assemble her outfit around the humidity factor, not losing sight of the more important factor: style must not be sacrificed for the sake of unavoidable though bearable weather consequences. In fact, she was wearing her new Oscar-de-la-renta-esque frill blouse that was obviously designed with both elegance and climate in mind. After her tear shower earlier in the day (or rather, her tear sprinkle.) there was no need to suffer another climate disaster. And this bold fashion statement in itself could possibly help to remedy the cause of her minor emotional "El Nino."- the loneliness she felt, not in the present, but in the future.

Interesting enough, she decided to date herself to dinner, and when she considered inviting along warm company for conversation, all she really wanted was to sit in silence with her mind; though she'd been sitting in silence quite a bit lately, her mind was usually not invited.

Alas, there she was, accompanied by her dear mind, in a crowded cafe in a crowded city.


"I'm not really as elegant as I'd like to be," she thought, the moment she realized she'd been tensing her shoulders and ungracefully released them without paying attentiont to the grace she sacrificed in order to acquire some.

"But this crisp, sweet glass of Pinot Grigio complements my blouse at least."

She remembered her younger days when it matter desperately what matched her outfit and how the ceiling fans would blow her bangs out of place. Now all she could consider, as a cute older couple sat closely together next to her in the booth was how much she wanted to snuggle with someone in a cafe, and tell her the frizz climate did not detract from her....presence.

"is that salmon!?"
Asks the female cuddler.

"No. Chicken."

"It's beautiful!"

She agreed with her when she tasted it. She remembered hearing on television that day that the body cannot digest mroe than 2 to 3 ounces of meat at a time, which substantiated her excuse to not finish her doubled American size portion, as much as she wanted to make the most out of a meal that cost her starving artist self a week's worth of groceries.

"Someday," she thought,"I'll reach the standards I have for myself, and if and when that happens, then only can I expect others to meet them too."

"Why do I set them so high?"

That cafe reminded her of Europe. How she missed her European life. Pinots all day long, and sidewalk cafes, and escalator couples. Perhaps it is that yearning that keeps drawing her back to Mr. No (formerly known as Mr. Big.) For now, it is solitude she is drawn too, which is easy to find in a city of wandering egos.

Livable

I am chatting with "Mr. Big" again, against the advice of my roomate and really against reason, logic and lov eof myself and sanity but it's so easy to chat with someone, especially when he lives far away and is actually really silly and nice on msn, i mean afterall it's not real. One thing's for sure,I will not fly accross the world to chat (or nto chat) with him.

I just read in NYTime that they are trying to pass a bill to raise minimum wage by two bucks! Praise the Lord. Still not a livable wage, but at least they're adjusting it somewhat considering this crazy inflation. I mean 3.69 for a gallon of gas!

Miss Emaci-verse.

The skinny girls in the New Hanes commercials: hot, thin, and healthy
The contestants in Miss Universe: sickly skinny.

I don't think I had ever seen the Miss Universes look so sick. Pretty faces and disgustingly thin. ANd there have always bene contestants from hungry countries, and in fact it was the hearty countries (the latins, Us, puerto rico, and europe) that looked like they'd been deprived of plaitains rice and any food in general.

I was in a pageant once: Miss Teen Bellaire in Miss Teenage Texas...I know how cut throat it is...and mine was just a little pageant, definitely not miss universe, but still....eat a sandwich. Make it a veggie on whole grain if you must, but please eat it miss universe, don't shove it under the rug like a kid eating vegetables.

Yo La Tengo y No Lo Tengo

It's hard..the fact that I can't get a permanent job since I willbe in Minneapolis November/December. SO I have a part time job right now that I honestly feel like not doing, but I must. I feel like I am not living to my full potential...being a cashier(granted, it's at my favorite clothing store in the world.). Ah well, I will wait it out until I can do otherwise.

I also know I am ready to start dating again. 1)because I want to, except this time real dating, like boyfriend style and....2)My standards have been raised to their previous level and it is much harder for me to find actual interest in someone. Maybe it's LA. I miss my Minnesota artsy, complex, people with a purpose, downto earth friends. But now that I am really looking...I am really looking for what I want, and honestly, if I can't get it, I am fine on my own.

Today at Larissa's BBQ I met the guy who produced and directed the group Yo La Tengo's music videos. I loooove Yo La Tengo.

My middle name in Spanish.

So what does everyone think of Claudia Estrella for my SAG/acting name?

I am SERIOUSLY considering this name.

You can call me whatever of course.

At work (music video and store.) I speak more Spanish than English (

Thank goodness...I am not a ho. I mean everyone always has doubts about themselves, no? okay maybe not. But last night, I was surrounded by hoes, and I can easily say I was not one of them. How do I knwo this? Well I recognized what clothes was right for my body type, and did not choose spandexing outfits that clung to rolls, and thighs, or exposed the rolls and thighs, because even the little girls can look a mess. I also did not need to tape my dress to my nipples because that's all it covered. I also was just not a hoe. But I must say it was fun dancing around a club set pretending to be a hoe, dancing, and stuff. Afterall I did get to dance within inches of Pdiddy and Nicole(from Pussycat dolls.), and I got put in the front of a shot at one point so I hope that means I will get some screen time, shakin' my bootey.

I think it's cool that I have now been part of something lasting, that will be recognized nationally, whether or not all you see is my head, arm, or back. And I got paid. P/S to all you lionizers, celebrities are regular people. No, really.

I started a job today...the job I have part-time while I find what I really want to do, like teach or work on a campaign or something else. But until I do, I may not be able to audition as much as I have been anymore. Ah well, I have oonly been here two weeks. I need to calm down. hhaha.

Status: Watching reality competition shows with roomate Dara who says: The One is crap (and no she doesn't mean Jesus or Neo, she means the reality TV show.)

J-Lo went downhill after Puffy. I'm going up.

First Los Angeles Style Gig: Club-goer in PDiddy Video.

Farts in the Universe.

Living here, in La LA land, it's so easy to get caught up in this world in the magical west and forget about everything else. Happens even to me, the girl who is hyper aware of world activity to the point of anxiety, sometimes.

Then I spoke, well MSNed, to Alberto, who was supposed to be home in Lebanon this summer. And he said to me, I left just in time and my mom in is Jordan right now, and I am pretty upset about whats happening in Lebanon. Unaware of the turmoil taking place between Israel and Lebanon I felt like an idiot that I could let something like that slip by. Not because I feel like I need to know everything that happens in the universe, though I try, but because I had gotten soooo caught up in my new life here, I let my perspective and priorities slip for a second, and I am glad that I became aware of it because I see now now easy it can be to do that here. Like Susie Phillips, my ex acting coach, used to say, our problems here are farts in the universe. And hre I was concerned about not being able to buy hair conditioner. My new concern is that Alberto's family is safe, and the situation be appeased some how. At least negotiated since these things are never solved.

Lord knows this is going to get worse before it gets better.

Ocurrences

The Abercrombie in Santa Monica has a shirtless stud greeting people at the front of the store. This is Southern California.

Today at my audition a girl came in dressed cut off daisy dukes an itty bitty tube top and big silver hoops. the rest of us were dressed normal as we were auditioning for radio. in my head i though, oh she probably doesnt think it matters what she looks like since its radio not tv. She looked around and said, is anybody else reading for mayra? (heads shake no) ooh, no wonder no one else is dressed like a hooker.

Apparently there was another audition going on.

I spent an hour getting home on what shouldve been a fifteen minute trip. I have to go to the gym now and i am SDREADING getting in my car again.

Give me your money or else you caused global warming with your frugality

So now I know that the reason door-to-door evangelism made me feel uneasy was not just that it was religious people trying to convert people while on their own doorsteps, but simply that I would never be able to present something at someones door without being able to completely back ro support what I was presenting. I guess selling knives is out of the question too.

Today I tried out a job working with the league of California Conservation Voters, what I though would be an activism/canvassing environmental job, which it is except that they go door to door not just soliciting support, but money, and the amount of money a canvasser racks up earns them a commission, so it becomes about getting people to give more and more money, even when they said hey i am unemployed, or hey i can only give you five bucks. I just can't do it, treating people like money dispensers that I am trying to shake to get more and more cash out of. I would much rather prefer a job just getting signatures or passing out literature, or working on a real campaign. So now...

Tomorrow I have an interview for a spot on radio as a radio personality. And I had an interview yesterday to be managing director of a small theatre company much like the playwright's center.

Life is beautiful, and I am already broke.

Friends...care packages are appreciated....I will payyou back when I make my first film.

Still can't upload the video, and pics coming soon.

Official.

It's official. I live here. Officially. I organized my books in the bookshelves by category and some alphabetically, and when that's done I know it's official. Perhaps that's why I always felt transient in my Minneapolis flat, I never did it. I want to take pictures to show everyone- not just the shelves but anumber of things-, but I can't find my camera because I haven't completely settled in my bedroom. And also, my fabulous video is not uploading, so it'll be some time before I can get it up.

This Week in La La

It's been soo crazy this week, I havent' been able to blog, or even worse, work out. But I have a few minutes free time before I go to bed soooo here's the scoop on Life in LA.

I already got rear ended by a guy on santa monica boulevard.

I had an interview today for a group called Grassroots Campaign who works for the League of California COnservation Voters(Something like that.) and I think it went well, as I was the most qualified person in the interview group.

I have an audition for a play this Sunday.

My room is really pretty(will take pictures soon.).

Went to ZARA-AAAAHH!!!!

And unpacked and unpacked and unpacked.

Miss everyone in Minneapolis though I am sure I won't feel it till a little later since I saw my friends in the cities like once every month or so anyway because I was always so busy.

Claudia and Nora's Adventure Video coming soon...

Gone, Going

It still didn't hit me that I was moving away from Minneapolis until Nora and me drove accross the Minnesota/Iowa border. Up until then I had been so busy packing things, cleaning, and planning. I am thankful for Nora's company on the looooong drive- we've had a good time talking and making videos (stay tuned for a mini-road-trip movie in a near-future blog.) The drive through Colorado was especially amazing, and I encourage anyone to just take a drive through our country and see all it's surprises. All through the Colorado drive we couldn't stop saying"wow" and "awe" and "that is beautiful." I mean we didnt have apretty rough night, so anything after that was pretty amazing. We drove around to three different towns looking from inn to motel to hotel and all three towns in a 100 mile radius were sold out beacause of tournaments and conferences, so already falling asleep while driving and in the car, we slept at a rest stop. Nora and I have been trying to get some exercises jumping-jack-ing during rest stops. But it still doesn't burn half the calories we've accumulated on our road trip diet. egh. Life is good. I already miss the friends. We stopped at Arches National Park in Utah, today, and tomorrow is GRAND CANYON DAY! More to come... here are some pics....