TV Claudia.

CONGRATULATIONS to my friend Ben who has been offerred an internship at the UN in NY. I am SOOOOO Jealous and very happy for him.

So.....I feel like I have been drowning in all the things I do, not being a able to focus on anythign well enough to improve or to enjoy it, sooo I have decided to choose something to focus on each week. Obviously there are things I need to always like submit myself for auditions, i will be starting french lessons soon, i need to workout and go to dance class and so forth. But beginning this next week....I will be Claudia...the intellectual....and I think the week after that...Claudia the Musician. There.. And Erik inspired me to go for the job I want no matter how little time i have before i go to MN.

Note to all the friends I left behind and have ever left behind.....Being away from you....I have realized more than I already knew how wonderful you guys are and I miss you terribly.....

Today I worked as a PA for a TV production company. Twas fun, and they've invited me back....twice more.

PS> I have been cheating on my fast.

Swing dancer but not a swing voter.

TOnight I went swing dancing at the historic Derby Night club; I went to meet the director of the short/student film I am shooting in september, tony ( who i now have a crush on...is this bad?) Whatever happened to men wearing hats? I loved seeing them dance around spinning girls and things. This one older bald man asked me to dance and he flung me all over, doing some stpe that was very not swing, and then hugging me like a big bear and shaking me. He also dipped me several......several times and evern held me there upside down for a while. All good fun.


You know they (they who?) always said there would be tough times when pursuing an acting career, especially in LA, and they always talk about the lack of food the lack of money the lack of jobs. I am finding that the hardest part in my pursuit is all the in between stuff, like not being hard on myself, etc..

Georgey finally signed something good. the bill that allows employers to automatically enroll people in 401k plans. That way people who normally owuldnt, cause they have no idea what it is...can start saving for retirement....He still doesnt' get my vote though.

Can you believe it!

I completed writing a piece. Nuff Said.

A Break from Writing.

So if you want a "me", as I am sure many of you do...Apparently this is how you get "me". Hey, I didn't make it up. The quiz page said so.

How to make a Claudia Vazquez

Ingredients: 3 parts intelligence 5 parts ambition 1 part empathy

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of fitness

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Neo was lucky.

Today I tried to write and study and I couldnt...I felt like my brain had been turned to poop. Everyday I feel like i am getting less and less intellgient and losing credibility, and I long for the days when I used to constantly be nurturing my mind. I feel like the moment I got here the ball started rolling and I havent been abel to stop it. And I keep trying make my life here, do the things I am accustomed to... like take dance and yoga, and take long walks and read, and all I can think about is how much I missed being an artist and creating, and constantly working and living life and I only wish I could have that here, in LA. But I can't; it's different and i know I have to put that behind me to be able to start my life here. I know that. But so far, the person I am here is not me to my full potential. It's me driving in traffic, and me spending time on the internet, and me thinking abotu the things I want to be doing, and me not doing them.

(Inside voice says: Calm down claudy, you've only just moved here, and it's a big move. Plus, you're still only 23 and though people like the Futurists were already big artists in their early twenties, it's 2006 and some people go into their thirties before their work really starts flourishing.)

I dont want to say I USED to play the guitar, or I USED to dance, or I USED to be a writer, or I USED to be an activist, or I USED to be healthy, or I USED to be smart. But dang it, it may have been easy for Leonardo and Mr Jefferson to be renaissance men in their day, but in these days of specialization it's a tad tougher to become renaissance woman.

I want to be hooked up to the machine Neo got plugged in to in the matrix and download all desired knowledge into my head.

Re-union with the ocean and an old friend....

I moved here six weeks ago form Minne-snow-duh, and I had not been to the beach.....until today. The beach, which i consider my most spiritual place to be....the beach -which is the quintessential image of warm places.....the beach - where you can be naked in your undies in public....

Jeremy, who I hadn't seen in five (six) years came to visit, and we had a great day there, ate some dippin dots, laid out for a while, me..convinced I would get a freckled tan because there was sand all over me..., watching a man clean and finish killing a little eel he caught. I didn't go in the water, because...as most of my friends know......i dont like fish, perhaps admiring their biological beauty from afar, but eating them....no, and defnitely not sharing the same space(or water with them), yuck. Me da bastante asco. I know...I am wierd.

I have a date this week. Hmm. We'll see. Maybe I will let myself like someone for a change. Really like someone. And if it happens....I can laugh about how I came home saying I met an annoying guy the first night I met him. He he. P/S too, I hate hate hate hate that people automatically expect negativity from people, like when I am working at the store and a customer has a problem or needs to work something out and they come in with these huffy puffy attitudes and they act like children while all i am trying to do is help them....Ibanga was right, (and boy does he know me...) I was never meant to work regular retail. Not when I know I could restructure the company to help it survive the american market, and all i am doing is ringing up crazy people who say racist things to my managers.

This is the ocean, as seen from my butt....

Here we are....those glasses are thanks to my flatmate Dara....:-)

You Can See Me!

About two minutes into the song there is a close-up flash of me dancing. And at the beginning when she walkes though the door there is a couple dancing in a corner, you can see my pale arm dancing about in the shadow. Very excited. There are other parts where I know its me, but its hard to see in this dark copied version, so look for me on TV!

I really shouldn't have...

SO tonight I met up with Mr. Wayne, who happened to be in LA from Vegas (break from the circus I guess.) and i saw Harris and Gabe from high school!!!! which was wild, but then Wayne took us to party over past where sunset and hollywood meet(the end of the world.) and all the way up a hill where a friend of his lives in a castle, which had the best view of los angeles and the skyline i have seen yet. This place was also being used to film a reality show, and to tape music videos, and apparently this guy plans the big ass parties as his job. Keith was this awesome man with suuuuper long dreads and a room where we all hung out and played accordians, mouth accordians, jembes, triangles and a huge gong at like 2 am. then wayne and me explored the place, i mean this place was crazzzzzzzzy amazing. WIth pools, and wells, and rooms, and grassy lawns and tennis courts all overlooking LA from the top of the hill. Overall a good night.

At HSPVA I was an actor not a dancer.

SO Today I went to Jazz 2 at the edge, and heheh, um, I can't dance like i used to. I mean I htought jazz 2 would be okay but no....I walke dout after the warmup, which I could do jsut fine, I just wasnt as felxible as the pre teen girls and, I knew the actual danc epart would be that much harder, so um, I am goign back tomorrow to the movement for actors class, to reconnect with my dance self after two years of no official dance class.

ON A MUCH MORE EXCITING NOTE>

Last night I hung out with a group of HSPVA friends for Courtney's bday. It was sooo greta being around them again. I love my HSPVA people, and i am glad we're all in the same city again. Here are some moments of the night....Highlights being, the picture where I look like a porn star, courtney carrying crippled rachel down the street, chris's bday lap dance for courtney.

Illegal Schmegal

QUOTED FROM AN ARTICLE IN THE NEW YORK TIMES>>> discussing the rapid growth of mexican americans in the South, specifically Georgia.

“The way the Mexicans have children, they’re going to have a majority here soon,” Mr. Corbitt, 76, said.

“I have children and grandchildren,” he said. “They’re going to become second-class citizens. And we’re going to be a third world country here if we don’t do something about it.”

FIRST OF ALL. There is no way we can become a third class country because of a rising number of Mexican Americans or Illegal immigrants, especially since they have been shown to improve the economy in many cases(particulary in the worlds third largest economy, California.) We would have to be thrown off the economic playing field which would require some act much greater.

SECONDLY. Why would his grandchildren become second class citizens? Are immigrants who are trying to improve their lives, find new and more prosperous work in the "land of opportunity" second class citizens because they have to start from the bottom and work their way up? Were Mr. Cornitt's ancestors second-class citizens, when -as immigrants- they did the same, in which cases we have all become second class citizens according to his logic.

THIRDLY. "The way Mexicans have children!" Probably the more obviously racist thing he said. My mom is Mexican- she had two. My grandma had 12...because she didn't use public sevices for healthcare or contraception. And she had most of them at home.

TO ALL OF YOU WHO THINK THAT MEXICANS COMPRISE THE MAJORITY OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS IN THIS COUNTRY-

You're wrong. Most immigrants are not from Latin America. The majority are from Canada, Europe, Asia, and India and they have come here legally but overstayed their visas. A lesser percentage is made up of those crossing th river. I mean it's not as easy as it sounds. For a mexican to even get a visa to visit it costs 150 dollars to apply, and then they have to be approved, which doesnt always happen. And.....if they choose to do it by crossing over, often they drown or get killed, or get separated from their families. All the while, Mr. who knows who is flyign over from asia to work for some country, visa acquired through said company, then decides to stay a little longer, so he's illegal, and uses public services, and blah blah blah all the other bad things illegals do, and then the mexicans get blamed. get over it you ameri-nazis! when our country is doing nothing about the mess in the MIddle east right now, which is surprising because it usually likes the act like a meddlign mother in every other case.

What Am I Doing With My Time?

This is the story of a girl who always knew was she was about, who knew she wanted to work in government or with a human rights organization and go back to grad school for law or public policy, but was going about it in arealllllllllllly roundabout way.

This is the story of a girl who moved out to LA as a transition to grad school because last fall she realized her art (and a very successful artist career in Mpls) did not fulfill her.

This is the story of the girl who moved to LA and got so caught up in teh excitement of the entertainment industry that she forgot for a second what she was about- forgot about her brain, her concern for those in need an sufferring, and what she is actually capable of.

So now what? That's exactly what I have been asking myself. ANd also why I haven't blogged- I've been going through some serious re-prioritization. I got so lost and excited in LA-ness that I forgot how much it's not what I want to end up doing. But I also don't want to give up so easily something I am good at, something i know i can seceed in, and something I have spent so long preparing for. It just doesn't seem like enough to me to desire to be on TV shows, which I don't even watch, when there are people dying in Lebanon, or when women are being murdered in Guatemala for standing up for their rights, or when there are congressman trying to keep minimun wage down regardless fo the crazy inflation in this country. At the same time. I LOOOOVe beign an artist, and now that I am starting to watch TV, i mean, it's good, and I did just get the lead role in a student short. It's been like this for a while. One week I want to be Senator Vazquez, the next week Claudia Estrella. I am just really trying to figure life out right now, livign every moment and siezing every opportunity becuase I dont' want to look back when I am eighty and say I wish i had tried this or that.

Other than that....

Go see LIttle Miss Sunshine...It's hilarious.

Pdiddy Video premieres August tenth on BET I think.

Cleveland's here now; funny how we stopped dating cause I was moving to LA and now he's here too. :-) I joke with him telling him he followed me here. He honestly didn't. It just worked out that way for his career.

Get out of my Parking space.

Some stories:

I went to lunch at EatWell. and they had paper for tablecloths and crayons on each table, so while I was waiting for my food i colored my whole table. When I left I glanced at what the lonely old man at the next table had written on his table: Why has the FBI not noticed me........

On my way home from the gym I had some difficulty parking in the lot behind my apartment because apparently someone was shooting a movie.

The Grove.

It was a humid, breezy Friday night and she made sure to assemble her outfit around the humidity factor, not losing sight of the more important factor: style must not be sacrificed for the sake of unavoidable though bearable weather consequences. In fact, she was wearing her new Oscar-de-la-renta-esque frill blouse that was obviously designed with both elegance and climate in mind. After her tear shower earlier in the day (or rather, her tear sprinkle.) there was no need to suffer another climate disaster. And this bold fashion statement in itself could possibly help to remedy the cause of her minor emotional "El Nino."- the loneliness she felt, not in the present, but in the future.

Interesting enough, she decided to date herself to dinner, and when she considered inviting along warm company for conversation, all she really wanted was to sit in silence with her mind; though she'd been sitting in silence quite a bit lately, her mind was usually not invited.

Alas, there she was, accompanied by her dear mind, in a crowded cafe in a crowded city.


"I'm not really as elegant as I'd like to be," she thought, the moment she realized she'd been tensing her shoulders and ungracefully released them without paying attentiont to the grace she sacrificed in order to acquire some.

"But this crisp, sweet glass of Pinot Grigio complements my blouse at least."

She remembered her younger days when it matter desperately what matched her outfit and how the ceiling fans would blow her bangs out of place. Now all she could consider, as a cute older couple sat closely together next to her in the booth was how much she wanted to snuggle with someone in a cafe, and tell her the frizz climate did not detract from her....presence.

"is that salmon!?"
Asks the female cuddler.

"No. Chicken."

"It's beautiful!"

She agreed with her when she tasted it. She remembered hearing on television that day that the body cannot digest mroe than 2 to 3 ounces of meat at a time, which substantiated her excuse to not finish her doubled American size portion, as much as she wanted to make the most out of a meal that cost her starving artist self a week's worth of groceries.

"Someday," she thought,"I'll reach the standards I have for myself, and if and when that happens, then only can I expect others to meet them too."

"Why do I set them so high?"

That cafe reminded her of Europe. How she missed her European life. Pinots all day long, and sidewalk cafes, and escalator couples. Perhaps it is that yearning that keeps drawing her back to Mr. No (formerly known as Mr. Big.) For now, it is solitude she is drawn too, which is easy to find in a city of wandering egos.

Livable

I am chatting with "Mr. Big" again, against the advice of my roomate and really against reason, logic and lov eof myself and sanity but it's so easy to chat with someone, especially when he lives far away and is actually really silly and nice on msn, i mean afterall it's not real. One thing's for sure,I will not fly accross the world to chat (or nto chat) with him.

I just read in NYTime that they are trying to pass a bill to raise minimum wage by two bucks! Praise the Lord. Still not a livable wage, but at least they're adjusting it somewhat considering this crazy inflation. I mean 3.69 for a gallon of gas!

Miss Emaci-verse.

The skinny girls in the New Hanes commercials: hot, thin, and healthy
The contestants in Miss Universe: sickly skinny.

I don't think I had ever seen the Miss Universes look so sick. Pretty faces and disgustingly thin. ANd there have always bene contestants from hungry countries, and in fact it was the hearty countries (the latins, Us, puerto rico, and europe) that looked like they'd been deprived of plaitains rice and any food in general.

I was in a pageant once: Miss Teen Bellaire in Miss Teenage Texas...I know how cut throat it is...and mine was just a little pageant, definitely not miss universe, but still....eat a sandwich. Make it a veggie on whole grain if you must, but please eat it miss universe, don't shove it under the rug like a kid eating vegetables.

Yo La Tengo y No Lo Tengo

It's hard..the fact that I can't get a permanent job since I willbe in Minneapolis November/December. SO I have a part time job right now that I honestly feel like not doing, but I must. I feel like I am not living to my full potential...being a cashier(granted, it's at my favorite clothing store in the world.). Ah well, I will wait it out until I can do otherwise.

I also know I am ready to start dating again. 1)because I want to, except this time real dating, like boyfriend style and....2)My standards have been raised to their previous level and it is much harder for me to find actual interest in someone. Maybe it's LA. I miss my Minnesota artsy, complex, people with a purpose, downto earth friends. But now that I am really looking...I am really looking for what I want, and honestly, if I can't get it, I am fine on my own.

Today at Larissa's BBQ I met the guy who produced and directed the group Yo La Tengo's music videos. I loooove Yo La Tengo.

My middle name in Spanish.

So what does everyone think of Claudia Estrella for my SAG/acting name?

I am SERIOUSLY considering this name.

You can call me whatever of course.

At work (music video and store.) I speak more Spanish than English (

Thank goodness...I am not a ho. I mean everyone always has doubts about themselves, no? okay maybe not. But last night, I was surrounded by hoes, and I can easily say I was not one of them. How do I knwo this? Well I recognized what clothes was right for my body type, and did not choose spandexing outfits that clung to rolls, and thighs, or exposed the rolls and thighs, because even the little girls can look a mess. I also did not need to tape my dress to my nipples because that's all it covered. I also was just not a hoe. But I must say it was fun dancing around a club set pretending to be a hoe, dancing, and stuff. Afterall I did get to dance within inches of Pdiddy and Nicole(from Pussycat dolls.), and I got put in the front of a shot at one point so I hope that means I will get some screen time, shakin' my bootey.

I think it's cool that I have now been part of something lasting, that will be recognized nationally, whether or not all you see is my head, arm, or back. And I got paid. P/S to all you lionizers, celebrities are regular people. No, really.

I started a job today...the job I have part-time while I find what I really want to do, like teach or work on a campaign or something else. But until I do, I may not be able to audition as much as I have been anymore. Ah well, I have oonly been here two weeks. I need to calm down. hhaha.

Status: Watching reality competition shows with roomate Dara who says: The One is crap (and no she doesn't mean Jesus or Neo, she means the reality TV show.)

J-Lo went downhill after Puffy. I'm going up.

First Los Angeles Style Gig: Club-goer in PDiddy Video.

Farts in the Universe.

Living here, in La LA land, it's so easy to get caught up in this world in the magical west and forget about everything else. Happens even to me, the girl who is hyper aware of world activity to the point of anxiety, sometimes.

Then I spoke, well MSNed, to Alberto, who was supposed to be home in Lebanon this summer. And he said to me, I left just in time and my mom in is Jordan right now, and I am pretty upset about whats happening in Lebanon. Unaware of the turmoil taking place between Israel and Lebanon I felt like an idiot that I could let something like that slip by. Not because I feel like I need to know everything that happens in the universe, though I try, but because I had gotten soooo caught up in my new life here, I let my perspective and priorities slip for a second, and I am glad that I became aware of it because I see now now easy it can be to do that here. Like Susie Phillips, my ex acting coach, used to say, our problems here are farts in the universe. And hre I was concerned about not being able to buy hair conditioner. My new concern is that Alberto's family is safe, and the situation be appeased some how. At least negotiated since these things are never solved.

Lord knows this is going to get worse before it gets better.