Now that more and more people will be reading my blog, due to my mass email and the link on my website, I want to give a disclaimer, though I hate doingthis for my writing, but for my protection....
My blog is not my diary.
I don't write a lost of whats really going on inside my head, or the real relationships in my life, or what I really write in my little brown suede notebook. I write what I know can be public. That said...
Not All of It is True
I exaggerate a whole lot in my blog. And fictionalize a bit too if I need to make a point or am telling a story. Sometimes it's all true, like when I wrote about Chase who died. Or when I write about feeling frustrated or lost. Even then.....
It's a Writing Tool
So the way I tell a story or write something is for a reason, whether sarcastic, or honest, or simple, or casual, or more formal...I use this as a writing tool. I even edit some of my entries to apply to some minor writing jobs.
I Fully Accept It's all About Me
I complain, I judge, I tease, I insult, I discuss, I proclaim without evidence. And I think that is ok in my blog because it is MY BLOG and you are reading MY BLOG. And I accept that any nuerosis or unreasonable statments are about me and my issues. I know that when I write them. I am not writing an opinions column in the NYtimes or reports.
I hope you can still enjoy my blog. It's start to take a different shape than what it used to be. I write less and less about what I am doing and write more about my observations. I won't feel offended if you stop reading, or if you don't like what i say or disagree. I am puttin git out on the web. I know that will happen.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Crazy Robertson
If you know me, you know I absolutely love foreigners. I do. I just made a new friend from England. She's a wonderful girl who has a boyfriend from Malaysia, who's father is THE Malaysian pop star. I love meeting new women. I tend to have enough "friends-who-are-boys" so when I find an interesting, intelligent, woman in LA I make sure to keep her around.
We'll call her Helena, after Shakespeare's play. Helena and I agreed over tea that we dislike this American mentality of becoming your career, of being validated by what you "do" or how you make your money. It's especially evident how this mentality fuels the workaholic habits of this country here in Los Angeles, where the first question someone asks when they meet someone new is "what do you do?"
I usually answer: I am an artist. I am a renaissance woman. I am an actor. I am a citizen of the world.
This never fares well and I get asked "But what do you do for money?"
As if it's any of their business. I am who I am, and how I get by, well who cares. I manage. The point is I live my life as an artist, a lover of nature, a person. Right?
Or is it more important what I produce and how much it's worth by the amount I am paid.
Both Helena's father and my father taught us to live life doing what we love, knowing that is success, and that is how I live, but it this country I constantly come face to face with people telling me otherwise. It reminded me of living in Spain, where the butcher was as important as the banker because they contributed to the community. Reminded me how the quality of one's life was more important than how much one makes. How if someone wanted to work in manual labor because they liked to get their hands dirty, they did.
Granted, there are so many opportunities this country offers that aren't available elsewhere, but perhaps that's why I plan to move back to Europe once I've siezed those. Perhaps I'll move to a Vineyard and write.
However much money I make or dont, I want to end up like "Crazy Robertson." Well somewhat. Everytime I drived down Robertson Blvd in Beverly Hills I see the same old guy in the same spot....dancing. This man, who looks homeless, wears spandex, no shirt, a fanny pack, sneakers, and a headband. Nearby he is play a boombox. Everyday he stands on the sidewalk dancing to his own music regardless of the playing beat and sometimes I get the urge to join him.
Tonight I mentioned the guy to Helena's boyfriend. Turns out everyone knows about this crazy guy on Robertson. Apparently he's a millionaire. What do you do when you have so much money and don't know what to do? Buy dead shark art like Saatchi? Drink and Drive and go to Jail like Paris? Nah, I want to dance like Crazy Robertson.
We'll call her Helena, after Shakespeare's play. Helena and I agreed over tea that we dislike this American mentality of becoming your career, of being validated by what you "do" or how you make your money. It's especially evident how this mentality fuels the workaholic habits of this country here in Los Angeles, where the first question someone asks when they meet someone new is "what do you do?"
I usually answer: I am an artist. I am a renaissance woman. I am an actor. I am a citizen of the world.
This never fares well and I get asked "But what do you do for money?"
As if it's any of their business. I am who I am, and how I get by, well who cares. I manage. The point is I live my life as an artist, a lover of nature, a person. Right?
Or is it more important what I produce and how much it's worth by the amount I am paid.
Both Helena's father and my father taught us to live life doing what we love, knowing that is success, and that is how I live, but it this country I constantly come face to face with people telling me otherwise. It reminded me of living in Spain, where the butcher was as important as the banker because they contributed to the community. Reminded me how the quality of one's life was more important than how much one makes. How if someone wanted to work in manual labor because they liked to get their hands dirty, they did.
Granted, there are so many opportunities this country offers that aren't available elsewhere, but perhaps that's why I plan to move back to Europe once I've siezed those. Perhaps I'll move to a Vineyard and write.
However much money I make or dont, I want to end up like "Crazy Robertson." Well somewhat. Everytime I drived down Robertson Blvd in Beverly Hills I see the same old guy in the same spot....dancing. This man, who looks homeless, wears spandex, no shirt, a fanny pack, sneakers, and a headband. Nearby he is play a boombox. Everyday he stands on the sidewalk dancing to his own music regardless of the playing beat and sometimes I get the urge to join him.
Tonight I mentioned the guy to Helena's boyfriend. Turns out everyone knows about this crazy guy on Robertson. Apparently he's a millionaire. What do you do when you have so much money and don't know what to do? Buy dead shark art like Saatchi? Drink and Drive and go to Jail like Paris? Nah, I want to dance like Crazy Robertson.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Magic Realism.
I was recently told a story about a playwright who was interviewed on the subject of Magic Realism, a literary genre made famous by Nobel prize winning author Gabriel Garcia Marquez. She was asked "What is Magic Realism?" My paraphrase of her response is," There is no such thing as Magic Realism. It is just how our culture is, and that term is just how the western world understands it. IN Latin American culture we are daily affected by the spiritual, the magical, our past, our future, nature."
I ask myself, where did the magic in my world go? In the file at the back of my brain that is labeled "Obselete, Due to Science Course in College."?? And if so, why not pull it out to use it in special cases? More intriguing, why lose the Magic just because I know it's not...or do I?
My grandmother is a magical woman. She certainly believes she is. She's the one who told me of the instances where she's had premonitions of things happening and they do. She's the woman who sticks the pointy part of a key into my cuticle when I tell her I have nausea and then the nausea is gone. She's the woman who told me the following story:
Long, Long ago in San Pedro, Garza Garcia, Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, Mexico...the ranch where she was raised...My little Grandmother, Petrita, and her friend would play in the desert, near the mountains. History told that chests of gold were buried all over San Pedro during past wars, and though most hadt been evinced, not all. Every once in a while another treasure would be discovered (I even heard of these stories as a girl when I visited San Pedro). One afternoon, while playing in the desert, Petrita and her friend met another young girl who they played with. That afternoon, this mysterious new girl told them exactly where in the yard a treasure was buried. Days later the girl returned, urging them to dig for the treasure. Petrita's little friend ran home to tell her father about the treasure chest and the little girl, but the parents concluded the girl was a figment of their imagination (keep in mind studies show that though people can have visions or hallucinations, the same hallucination cannot be had by two people.). Out of curiousity her father went to the supposed treasure spot and began digging. Lo and behold! A Chest!! Now, word of mouth had it that the first person to open a treasure chest would die; word of mouth science actually says that the gases released from a buried chest of pure gold were toxic when first uncovered (if someone wants to research this and get back to me.....). Sure enough, the chest had gold, the father became sick, deathly ill, as did Petrita's friend who fell sick out of fear from seeing a ghost. The father lived, the little girl died, and my grandma was sans friend. Now, there's a family in San Pedro that is very wealthy and powerful and has produced many a mayor (remember this town was named wealthiest city in Latin American not long ago.). My grandmother told me that that same rich family is the one who became wealthy after the discovery of the gold. Now how about that! And she told me this story as matter-of-factly as she told me how to make chiles rellenos.
Now I attribute all this magic business to the mix of natives religious beliefs of the original inhabitors of Mexico with the Catholic mysticism the Spaniards brought over. But I do find that those indigenous, earth cultures from long ago had a certain connection to life and spirit that we have somehow lost. I mean, check out the Mayan calendar, so incredibly accurate, science-wise too, but how? How did they do that? Was that magic for them, what we now consider science, even though we have no understanding of how they did it?
From my readings I have discovered that although most believe science has discredited any supernatural happenings, much is still unknown about the brain, about how we use intuition, and a certain sense which people connected to more pre-enlightenment.
Point is...I am staying at my friend Ellie's till I find an apartment. I know for a fact that there was a roll of papertowels next to the sink that I used two days in a row. Yesterday I checked, and it is gone. SO I looked around. Perhaps I dropped it to the floor, perhaps I placed it in a cupboard or the fridge mistakenly, perhaps I was sleepwalking and threw it away or brought it upstairs. Nope. The papertowels are no where to be found....and I have locked all the doors and checked them more than I check my own, and I have checked for anything else out of the ordinary but nothing.....My guess....I can make things dissappear. Or maybe it skipped back into the second dimmension, so I can't see it because it's flat and since it's not in the fourth dimmension, it doesn't move through time so it does not exist. Woah.
I ask myself, where did the magic in my world go? In the file at the back of my brain that is labeled "Obselete, Due to Science Course in College."?? And if so, why not pull it out to use it in special cases? More intriguing, why lose the Magic just because I know it's not...or do I?
My grandmother is a magical woman. She certainly believes she is. She's the one who told me of the instances where she's had premonitions of things happening and they do. She's the woman who sticks the pointy part of a key into my cuticle when I tell her I have nausea and then the nausea is gone. She's the woman who told me the following story:
Long, Long ago in San Pedro, Garza Garcia, Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, Mexico...the ranch where she was raised...My little Grandmother, Petrita, and her friend would play in the desert, near the mountains. History told that chests of gold were buried all over San Pedro during past wars, and though most hadt been evinced, not all. Every once in a while another treasure would be discovered (I even heard of these stories as a girl when I visited San Pedro). One afternoon, while playing in the desert, Petrita and her friend met another young girl who they played with. That afternoon, this mysterious new girl told them exactly where in the yard a treasure was buried. Days later the girl returned, urging them to dig for the treasure. Petrita's little friend ran home to tell her father about the treasure chest and the little girl, but the parents concluded the girl was a figment of their imagination (keep in mind studies show that though people can have visions or hallucinations, the same hallucination cannot be had by two people.). Out of curiousity her father went to the supposed treasure spot and began digging. Lo and behold! A Chest!! Now, word of mouth had it that the first person to open a treasure chest would die; word of mouth science actually says that the gases released from a buried chest of pure gold were toxic when first uncovered (if someone wants to research this and get back to me.....). Sure enough, the chest had gold, the father became sick, deathly ill, as did Petrita's friend who fell sick out of fear from seeing a ghost. The father lived, the little girl died, and my grandma was sans friend. Now, there's a family in San Pedro that is very wealthy and powerful and has produced many a mayor (remember this town was named wealthiest city in Latin American not long ago.). My grandmother told me that that same rich family is the one who became wealthy after the discovery of the gold. Now how about that! And she told me this story as matter-of-factly as she told me how to make chiles rellenos.
Now I attribute all this magic business to the mix of natives religious beliefs of the original inhabitors of Mexico with the Catholic mysticism the Spaniards brought over. But I do find that those indigenous, earth cultures from long ago had a certain connection to life and spirit that we have somehow lost. I mean, check out the Mayan calendar, so incredibly accurate, science-wise too, but how? How did they do that? Was that magic for them, what we now consider science, even though we have no understanding of how they did it?
From my readings I have discovered that although most believe science has discredited any supernatural happenings, much is still unknown about the brain, about how we use intuition, and a certain sense which people connected to more pre-enlightenment.
Point is...I am staying at my friend Ellie's till I find an apartment. I know for a fact that there was a roll of papertowels next to the sink that I used two days in a row. Yesterday I checked, and it is gone. SO I looked around. Perhaps I dropped it to the floor, perhaps I placed it in a cupboard or the fridge mistakenly, perhaps I was sleepwalking and threw it away or brought it upstairs. Nope. The papertowels are no where to be found....and I have locked all the doors and checked them more than I check my own, and I have checked for anything else out of the ordinary but nothing.....My guess....I can make things dissappear. Or maybe it skipped back into the second dimmension, so I can't see it because it's flat and since it's not in the fourth dimmension, it doesn't move through time so it does not exist. Woah.
Monday, June 04, 2007
This one's for the girls.
At first I didn't want to believe what my friend Elena was telling me about men, but I am now convinced that even though I don't want to believe it, even though I don't consider myself a "game player" in relationships, even though most men aren't aware of this particular game they play, it's just plain true.
When I first started my little affair with a certain "source of drama" she was there with a similar story to guide me. Now for those of you who know me, I am not easily guided and I do not just take anyone's advice. But I opened myself up to her words of wisdom since she has ten years experience on me, and she'd tell me "Girl, I tell you these things so you don't make the mistakes I made. I am __(ten yrs older than me) and I have learned."
It's as simple as this....and girls you'll probably say, duh, we know that:
As soon as you make yourself available to a guy, or if you go after him, he won't be after you.
I hated hearing this. I said...no I don't play those games, and I know that the guys who want me know that about me and aren't the game playing kind of guys either. And frankly I don't want a guy who won't let me go for him and be the same back.
Oh early twenties Claudia. I mean maybe things will eb different when I am older. Who knows, but I have dated guys from 22-early forties and I am realizing now that I can look back at those relationships or situations, it's been the same at a every age. And this simple truth comes in every shape form and style. There are the guys that straight up want the chase, and admit it. There are the guys who throw themselves passionately at a girl, but when she reciprocates he pulls away for some strange reason. There are the relationships that seem normal and not to abide by this truth but the real reason its that way is because the girl is has an inkling of a doubt about it all and subconsciously the guy senses this and stays. There are the times when we girls make the mistake of sending that email or the text to him because we want to and we dont want to play games or we think he;ll like it, and though he does...somehow he doesn't respond the way we expect or as soon. I have tested this one...I have found that when I don't reply or call back or email/text at all, the guy comes running after me or seeks me out like he hadnt before, and when I do put myself out there...it metaphysically pushes him away or takes him longer to long for me.
Now this doesn't mean that now I am a game player when pursuing relationships or just dating. But it has reminded me of another truth that is even more significant:
Ladies, we need to have so much respect for ourselves, our bodies, and recognize our worth so much that we have no need to be running after men. Because we are too wonderful to not be desired. We deserved to be wanted, and loved, but we need to do that for ourselves first. Because it's when we believe these things about ourselves that others will treat us as such.
Affirmation: I have much to offer. I am worthy of admiration. I am worth a man/woman wanting to be with me. I am worth putting myself first.
When I first started my little affair with a certain "source of drama" she was there with a similar story to guide me. Now for those of you who know me, I am not easily guided and I do not just take anyone's advice. But I opened myself up to her words of wisdom since she has ten years experience on me, and she'd tell me "Girl, I tell you these things so you don't make the mistakes I made. I am __(ten yrs older than me) and I have learned."
It's as simple as this....and girls you'll probably say, duh, we know that:
As soon as you make yourself available to a guy, or if you go after him, he won't be after you.
I hated hearing this. I said...no I don't play those games, and I know that the guys who want me know that about me and aren't the game playing kind of guys either. And frankly I don't want a guy who won't let me go for him and be the same back.
Oh early twenties Claudia. I mean maybe things will eb different when I am older. Who knows, but I have dated guys from 22-early forties and I am realizing now that I can look back at those relationships or situations, it's been the same at a every age. And this simple truth comes in every shape form and style. There are the guys that straight up want the chase, and admit it. There are the guys who throw themselves passionately at a girl, but when she reciprocates he pulls away for some strange reason. There are the relationships that seem normal and not to abide by this truth but the real reason its that way is because the girl is has an inkling of a doubt about it all and subconsciously the guy senses this and stays. There are the times when we girls make the mistake of sending that email or the text to him because we want to and we dont want to play games or we think he;ll like it, and though he does...somehow he doesn't respond the way we expect or as soon. I have tested this one...I have found that when I don't reply or call back or email/text at all, the guy comes running after me or seeks me out like he hadnt before, and when I do put myself out there...it metaphysically pushes him away or takes him longer to long for me.
Now this doesn't mean that now I am a game player when pursuing relationships or just dating. But it has reminded me of another truth that is even more significant:
Ladies, we need to have so much respect for ourselves, our bodies, and recognize our worth so much that we have no need to be running after men. Because we are too wonderful to not be desired. We deserved to be wanted, and loved, but we need to do that for ourselves first. Because it's when we believe these things about ourselves that others will treat us as such.
Affirmation: I have much to offer. I am worthy of admiration. I am worth a man/woman wanting to be with me. I am worth putting myself first.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
The rest of the world has an inside joke that LA doesn't get....the rest of the world really isn't like that.
Have you seen TVset? the movie. If not, it's okay, you may not get it. If you do, and it's not funny, don't be surprised...it's just a huge inside joke. If you see it and it's funny, good for you, you may now join the minority elite that monopolizes the entertainment world....except you're on the lowest tier of membership since you don't live in LA.
The industry lives in an La La Land bubble, that now, after having moved here, leaves the rest of the world it. Because it doesn't regard the rest of the world, for the most part, it creates work about itself, and if you dont live here or aren't a part of the business, you have no idea what is going on.
I am sitting here now watching The Starter Wife....the new USA series, and it's set in LA. One day some writer guy who hadn't been outside this world long enough to know another life said,"hey I have a great idea, let's create a show about our world, about the business." Entourage is born. Then comes the shows about the fashion industry, or shows, like the Starter Wife, about people in the industry, so ofcourse I get the characters on a deeper level, but if only you knew the world they're portaying...might be awhole new experience. How about the shows that are set in LA....hmmm that's almost all of them, check next time. Chances are half the references they make go right over your head, and after living here and being more aware of them I now know how significant those details often are.
For some reason I was itching to get back to this world after my two month absence to the hippie NoCal. I wanted to get back to work, throw myself into the business again. I felt like I was losing touch with that LA world, and I can't. I mean it's part of my career to keep up. But being gone for two months, and then seeing TVset reminded me of something...I like to create art about life, tell stories about people.....not just create art about the industry or about LA. And to do that I have to get away right?
I should've realized that when months ago my friend Erik invited me and Ellie and Adam to a night of imrovisational shooting. We got in a office with a pro camera and started shooting some mocumentary style stuff about two couples in a police office. Well it wasn't working, so we decided to create a mocumentary about actors creating a movie. WOW! How creative! How did we ever come up with that! Did we really know of nothing else. Sadly, those takes were hilarious, because we knwo how to be actors.....but so many people out here, I have found, in my measly less than a yr of living out here, have lost touch with the world.
I guess I should've listened to my numerology prediction that this year for me, being that I am in the last yr of my 9 year life cycle, this year would be one of no beginnings or career advances, but one of solidfying relationships, with much focus on my social life, making connections that will lead to later beginnings and career advances. Well it seems as such so far. This year, thus far, has been about life. I mean look what happened: My sister is making me an aunt, My friend Chase died. A love affair with guy from a band. My great grandmother died. I opened a play. I met a good friend in that play. My sister got married. My cousin got married. My boy Steve's getting married. My friend Ellie's getting married. What a year.
Affirmation: Everyday step I take and decision I make is a wise decision in the life of my career and work.
The industry lives in an La La Land bubble, that now, after having moved here, leaves the rest of the world it. Because it doesn't regard the rest of the world, for the most part, it creates work about itself, and if you dont live here or aren't a part of the business, you have no idea what is going on.
I am sitting here now watching The Starter Wife....the new USA series, and it's set in LA. One day some writer guy who hadn't been outside this world long enough to know another life said,"hey I have a great idea, let's create a show about our world, about the business." Entourage is born. Then comes the shows about the fashion industry, or shows, like the Starter Wife, about people in the industry, so ofcourse I get the characters on a deeper level, but if only you knew the world they're portaying...might be awhole new experience. How about the shows that are set in LA....hmmm that's almost all of them, check next time. Chances are half the references they make go right over your head, and after living here and being more aware of them I now know how significant those details often are.
For some reason I was itching to get back to this world after my two month absence to the hippie NoCal. I wanted to get back to work, throw myself into the business again. I felt like I was losing touch with that LA world, and I can't. I mean it's part of my career to keep up. But being gone for two months, and then seeing TVset reminded me of something...I like to create art about life, tell stories about people.....not just create art about the industry or about LA. And to do that I have to get away right?
I should've realized that when months ago my friend Erik invited me and Ellie and Adam to a night of imrovisational shooting. We got in a office with a pro camera and started shooting some mocumentary style stuff about two couples in a police office. Well it wasn't working, so we decided to create a mocumentary about actors creating a movie. WOW! How creative! How did we ever come up with that! Did we really know of nothing else. Sadly, those takes were hilarious, because we knwo how to be actors.....but so many people out here, I have found, in my measly less than a yr of living out here, have lost touch with the world.
I guess I should've listened to my numerology prediction that this year for me, being that I am in the last yr of my 9 year life cycle, this year would be one of no beginnings or career advances, but one of solidfying relationships, with much focus on my social life, making connections that will lead to later beginnings and career advances. Well it seems as such so far. This year, thus far, has been about life. I mean look what happened: My sister is making me an aunt, My friend Chase died. A love affair with guy from a band. My great grandmother died. I opened a play. I met a good friend in that play. My sister got married. My cousin got married. My boy Steve's getting married. My friend Ellie's getting married. What a year.
Affirmation: Everyday step I take and decision I make is a wise decision in the life of my career and work.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Much Needed Update
So I did have an entry I wanted to write but I figured I should catch everyone up on life things before I just go and and write an entry as if there havent been two months of missing entries.
So.....
These past months I
-opened and closed Bodas de Sangre at Teatro Vision in San Jose, which got great reviews
-moved out of my apartment and am in the process of looking for another.
-celebrated my sister's wedding, and my cousin Areli's
-took two great trips to the wine valley upstate
-applied and got accepted to Sarah Lawrence College's Playwright Intensive this summer.
-Started liking Indian food
-Bought a thumb drumb.
-Sang Selena at my cousin Areli's Wedding
-Started honing in on my healing skills
More to come, now that I am back and can start writing again.
So.....
These past months I
-opened and closed Bodas de Sangre at Teatro Vision in San Jose, which got great reviews
-moved out of my apartment and am in the process of looking for another.
-celebrated my sister's wedding, and my cousin Areli's
-took two great trips to the wine valley upstate
-applied and got accepted to Sarah Lawrence College's Playwright Intensive this summer.
-Started liking Indian food
-Bought a thumb drumb.
-Sang Selena at my cousin Areli's Wedding
-Started honing in on my healing skills
More to come, now that I am back and can start writing again.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
A Few Things I Read This Week That Stir Me.
So if Mexican/Latin American Immigration is such a problem, which it isn't because most of the immigrants in this country are non latinos who have overstayed visas, then why don't we help them economically. Imean we're already doing lots of business with them, so why is it so hard for them to find a job, so hard that they'd risk their lives crossing a deadly river and already existing fences(why are they spending more to build a new one?) to find work over here. President Calderon urged Bush to use that money to help them out. I mean for real. The women in Juarez, who are being murdered, most of the time work in American factories and there is much evidence to show that factory management has much to do with the murders....so isn't it partly the American's factories responsibility?
ALSO....
Nearly 3/4 of water used in the US is used in the bathroom.
Geeze! And most people dont' realize that water is a resource causing much conflict in conflicted countries, ie Israel/Palestine. 20% (About) of the world's population does not have access to usable water at all, and for others its hard to get as it is. I know I can cut down my showers, or find a way to resuse the water (one suggestion is to place a bucket in the shower and use wasted water for gardening or other minor washing.) And my friend wonders why I snapped at him for leaving the water running before he shaves, goes to get his laundry, and then preps for his shave, ending the actual shave five minutes and lots of wasted water later.
The conflicts in the world are a reality we ALL live in, not just "them over there."
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Take a Break if you haven't
My friend Elena, who has become such a good friend to me in LA, told me that this year would not necessarily be a big year for career advancements but instead a year full of making cultivating and solidifying relationships that might otherwise later bring help in my career or simply enrich my life.
Already with the events in February that brought me close to family and friends,and my trip out to San Jose, that has been true. I haven't written much out here, my claudiavazquez.com sight still says I love milk, because nick hobart put it there and i haven't put up anything else, i haven't opened my french text since I left LA, and and I haven't planned out some of the other projects I'd started up. Tis okay though. I made a new friend out here, Hugo, that I am happy to be spending time with instead of reading, and my time in nature, exploring, and resting is giving me time to re-evaluate goals, purpose, and to even imagine the rest of my screenplay cause i was a bit stuck. I am considering becoming a mask maker, j/k. but i have been helping hugo with the masks that are being made for our show. he trained with santori in italy, the mask maker who is connected with LeCoq, the great mask and physical thater guru who taught my teacher in London.
.
Already with the events in February that brought me close to family and friends,and my trip out to San Jose, that has been true. I haven't written much out here, my claudiavazquez.com sight still says I love milk, because nick hobart put it there and i haven't put up anything else, i haven't opened my french text since I left LA, and and I haven't planned out some of the other projects I'd started up. Tis okay though. I made a new friend out here, Hugo, that I am happy to be spending time with instead of reading, and my time in nature, exploring, and resting is giving me time to re-evaluate goals, purpose, and to even imagine the rest of my screenplay cause i was a bit stuck. I am considering becoming a mask maker, j/k. but i have been helping hugo with the masks that are being made for our show. he trained with santori in italy, the mask maker who is connected with LeCoq, the great mask and physical thater guru who taught my teacher in London.
.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Great Escape.
I always tell people I have the heart of a gypsy. I told that to my friend Andrew once and he told me he is sure my blood is of better class than that, but I don't mean gypsy in the steal your stuff, beg for money, throwing babies, kinda way. I meant it in the way that the world is my community and I can't help but move around in it.
Perhaps that's why I love that my job takes me all over the place, or that travel is always in my plans, often inevitably. San Jose isn't my ideal city....it's very residential, spread out, small, and the only organic food store i thirty minutes away, while there are about ten taco stands and mexican restaurants within blocks of my place, but I am loving the change in pace. The growing accustom to a new city. The understanding of the way of life of a new community ( was it really a surprise that there's only one gym in the whole city to work out in, guess I was a little used to LA).
What I am really loving is the break from feeling I always have to be DOING something. I mean, I can't audition here. I don't have to always look great or be on my networking game or be faced with the billboards of the girls taking my roles. I can just live. And that's okay, because everyone here is just living, and people here actually think it's honorable that I am a stage actor.
It's what I loved living in Toledo Spain, the town I miss more now that this Spanish play I'm working on keeps reminding me of it. Life was simple. I like existing in a space like this at least once a year....to remind myself how it feels so that I can perpetuate the feeling, the simple and grounded way of life, even in my big city.
Good thing about LA is that it's got great hikes, I'd been going a lot more lately to get away, meditate, pray. But the smog made it heard ot breathe. And though I felt like I was escaping, trendy girl hikers with theior mini dogs never failed to remind me that LA has suceeded in making nature a trendy spot.
I haven't hiked here in San Jose yet, but it is a great escape, spending four hours in a rehearsal room, rolling on the floor, breathing, dancing, speaking, acting, playing, and getting paid for it.
Perhaps that's why I love that my job takes me all over the place, or that travel is always in my plans, often inevitably. San Jose isn't my ideal city....it's very residential, spread out, small, and the only organic food store i thirty minutes away, while there are about ten taco stands and mexican restaurants within blocks of my place, but I am loving the change in pace. The growing accustom to a new city. The understanding of the way of life of a new community ( was it really a surprise that there's only one gym in the whole city to work out in, guess I was a little used to LA).
What I am really loving is the break from feeling I always have to be DOING something. I mean, I can't audition here. I don't have to always look great or be on my networking game or be faced with the billboards of the girls taking my roles. I can just live. And that's okay, because everyone here is just living, and people here actually think it's honorable that I am a stage actor.
It's what I loved living in Toledo Spain, the town I miss more now that this Spanish play I'm working on keeps reminding me of it. Life was simple. I like existing in a space like this at least once a year....to remind myself how it feels so that I can perpetuate the feeling, the simple and grounded way of life, even in my big city.
Good thing about LA is that it's got great hikes, I'd been going a lot more lately to get away, meditate, pray. But the smog made it heard ot breathe. And though I felt like I was escaping, trendy girl hikers with theior mini dogs never failed to remind me that LA has suceeded in making nature a trendy spot.
I haven't hiked here in San Jose yet, but it is a great escape, spending four hours in a rehearsal room, rolling on the floor, breathing, dancing, speaking, acting, playing, and getting paid for it.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
High Spirits.
Remember the necklace I bought last October? I lost it - somewhere in California on my drive to San Jose. I suppose it means it's time for a new symbol. This month has moved me to a different way of living and existence so I'm not surprised. I feel as if I am living on another level. In Judaism, its believed we're in a constant creation relationship with God. I really believe thats the plane I'm on. One where I have come to an understanding... and I'm inlove with this experience. So it makes sense that my little compass symbol is obselete now. And how fitting that I lost it in California.
Lately I've been allowing (er um encouraging) myself to accept again that it is completely possible for me to fulfill my desires as an artist and still run for office someday, or be involved politically somehow. So it's no wonder Dara and me were inspired to start something that will help to inform us more politically, as well as others. (more on this later!)
It is also no wonder that at the last minute, my accomodations were changed here in San Jose by the theater so that now I am living with the woman who was once vice mayor and is now some sort of city supervisor. I can't wait to pick her brain. Her son in law works with the theater I am here with, and she is a great supporter of the arts and latinas who want to run for office.
There are many people who already believe they are in control of their lives, but this experience of being in creation with something bigger than myself (I call it/he/she God, you may call it Infinite Mind, HIgher Power, you choose) - that's a special relationship that has elevated my goals and purpose and has been providing wondrous results.
Mainly it has opened my spirit to being connected to everythign around me, which makes life seem more ethereal than it's surface and empirical value. As I wrote once before, we are all vibrating strings emitting spirit music, and as we meet with each other and objects, we create shifts in the vibrations, individual songs when we affect each other. Can you imagine the music we'll make when we take the reins of the instrument inspired (literally breathed by, not manipulated) by the Big Mind!!
Lately I've been allowing (er um encouraging) myself to accept again that it is completely possible for me to fulfill my desires as an artist and still run for office someday, or be involved politically somehow. So it's no wonder Dara and me were inspired to start something that will help to inform us more politically, as well as others. (more on this later!)
It is also no wonder that at the last minute, my accomodations were changed here in San Jose by the theater so that now I am living with the woman who was once vice mayor and is now some sort of city supervisor. I can't wait to pick her brain. Her son in law works with the theater I am here with, and she is a great supporter of the arts and latinas who want to run for office.
There are many people who already believe they are in control of their lives, but this experience of being in creation with something bigger than myself (I call it/he/she God, you may call it Infinite Mind, HIgher Power, you choose) - that's a special relationship that has elevated my goals and purpose and has been providing wondrous results.
Mainly it has opened my spirit to being connected to everythign around me, which makes life seem more ethereal than it's surface and empirical value. As I wrote once before, we are all vibrating strings emitting spirit music, and as we meet with each other and objects, we create shifts in the vibrations, individual songs when we affect each other. Can you imagine the music we'll make when we take the reins of the instrument inspired (literally breathed by, not manipulated) by the Big Mind!!
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Life comprised by wonderful little moments.
Tonight on the way back from the gym a beautiful fluffy gray cat followed me home for about four blocks. It just kept following me, sometimes walking with me side by side, until one time when I was almost home I looked back and it had disappeared.
Hmm. Interesting. The cat follows me home and then I turn on the tv and al gore's giving his presentation..hmmm.coincidence.
Topher and me had a dance party in my living room on friday morning, and then friday night I went to his place where his roomates have a hardcore karaoke set up and he and I just took off singing the entire broadway Karaoke cds, with costumes dancing an all, pics to come soon.
Thursday night I went to see the Band the Mighty Regis Philbin at Molly Mollone's and there was this guy dancing like a crazy person, and watching him filled me so much joy at the sight of someone enjoying freedom of movement so much with no inhibition, it was wonderful to see him contrasted by everyone else settling for composure.
Friday afternoon me and Gloria just hung out at my place.
Saturday I had a date.....it was nice. :-)
Mario and me had icecream last week.
Nick helped me with my website on , well some night this past week. He makes me smile. He's so joyful and pleasant.
I miss my parents a whole lot though. i wish I could be with them at least once a week.
Hmm. Interesting. The cat follows me home and then I turn on the tv and al gore's giving his presentation..hmmm.coincidence.
Topher and me had a dance party in my living room on friday morning, and then friday night I went to his place where his roomates have a hardcore karaoke set up and he and I just took off singing the entire broadway Karaoke cds, with costumes dancing an all, pics to come soon.
Thursday night I went to see the Band the Mighty Regis Philbin at Molly Mollone's and there was this guy dancing like a crazy person, and watching him filled me so much joy at the sight of someone enjoying freedom of movement so much with no inhibition, it was wonderful to see him contrasted by everyone else settling for composure.
Friday afternoon me and Gloria just hung out at my place.
Saturday I had a date.....it was nice. :-)
Mario and me had icecream last week.
Nick helped me with my website on , well some night this past week. He makes me smile. He's so joyful and pleasant.
I miss my parents a whole lot though. i wish I could be with them at least once a week.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
LIfe after death.
It feels like months since I first heard about Chase, and a whiel ago since my great grandmother passed and I went home ot be with my family, but I just got back in last night.
I am good now. No really great. Both those wonderful people taught me so much, and I am in a different place now, full of joy and gratitude, and I only wish the same for you.
Here are some shots of these past crazy weeks.
Andrew and I took a hike with a friend shortly after Chase's death. Runyon Canyon. I love big cities that have places of nature I can get lost in. Here's the view from the top.
Me and Sammantha at the Disney Soda Shop in Hollywood. After Chase's benefit show we went and had the huuug Mickey sunday, in his honor. We didnt finish it, but it was delicious.
Here it is.
Me and Llindsey at Gma's funeral.
The Vazquez Ladies.
Me and Baby Leah.
Me and Papi.
My best friend amanda and me at PF Chang's. Brian's taking the pic. I love this lady.
On the way to target in texas on Friday I saw this procession and realized it was the first day of the Houston Rodeo! The biggest one in the world!
I am good now. No really great. Both those wonderful people taught me so much, and I am in a different place now, full of joy and gratitude, and I only wish the same for you.
Here are some shots of these past crazy weeks.
Andrew and I took a hike with a friend shortly after Chase's death. Runyon Canyon. I love big cities that have places of nature I can get lost in. Here's the view from the top.
Me and Sammantha at the Disney Soda Shop in Hollywood. After Chase's benefit show we went and had the huuug Mickey sunday, in his honor. We didnt finish it, but it was delicious.
Here it is.
Me and Llindsey at Gma's funeral.
The Vazquez Ladies.
Me and Baby Leah.
Me and Papi.
My best friend amanda and me at PF Chang's. Brian's taking the pic. I love this lady.
On the way to target in texas on Friday I saw this procession and realized it was the first day of the Houston Rodeo! The biggest one in the world!
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Now, as if Chase wasn't enough...
I have just been informed that my great grandmother , Lita Mague, died tonight. She was verrrry old, and it was expected, but the lady lasted forever, until now. I love dher, and the look she'd get on her face when she saw me, so excited, and how she always asked abotu me, even tho it was when is claudia gettin gmarried...I loved that she knew me, and i love that I called her last sunday, righ tbefore i found out about chase actually.
Claudia
Claudia
Saturday, February 17, 2007
My motto.
Today was Chase's Funeral in MN. I wish so much I couldve been there, but I wish even harder that I could just call him up to have lunch, like we had said the last time i saw him. Or that he'll call me, and monday when I go to ICAP it will be with him like I always imagined and not alone.
Chase's motto, Follow Your Bliss....was mine, because he inspired me to look into Joseph Campbell...and the whole while I was reading it I would talk to him about how excited the book made me, and he told me he loved the part about actors being like real life heros, and i told him i loved the part about actors being the shamans of society. That's the night we had pie after Nick's show, the night Chase bought me coffee and we ate someone's chocolates, and we talked till 4am on my couch even though I had to wake up early.
Until I find another, If I ever do...that will be my motto....and he helped me find it.
If you need one..."Follow your bliss" is a pretty good one.
Chase's motto, Follow Your Bliss....was mine, because he inspired me to look into Joseph Campbell...and the whole while I was reading it I would talk to him about how excited the book made me, and he told me he loved the part about actors being like real life heros, and i told him i loved the part about actors being the shamans of society. That's the night we had pie after Nick's show, the night Chase bought me coffee and we ate someone's chocolates, and we talked till 4am on my couch even though I had to wake up early.
Until I find another, If I ever do...that will be my motto....and he helped me find it.
If you need one..."Follow your bliss" is a pretty good one.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
chas-in' my dreams...
Las night Ihad a dream about Chase. We went to the theater, the guthrie wierdly, and went to see edgardo mine, of all shows to see, and during the play i kept flirting with him, he told me i was coming on too strong. :-)
the rest o fthe dreams last night were wacky, me trying on a wedding dress and getgting fittied just in case. me in an imporv troop, and then me in the giant installation of a white wall outside where phosphorus from some animal was siped on us and we'd glow in the dark and reflect off the white wall.
there was also a part where a teachers water fountain flooeded in a room and we put cuckets to catch the water.
the rest o fthe dreams last night were wacky, me trying on a wedding dress and getgting fittied just in case. me in an imporv troop, and then me in the giant installation of a white wall outside where phosphorus from some animal was siped on us and we'd glow in the dark and reflect off the white wall.
there was also a part where a teachers water fountain flooeded in a room and we put cuckets to catch the water.
I don't want to yet....
I just can't. I can't go back to absolute normal yet. I don't want to. I want the rest of the world to know Chase is gone and that it matters. That we all need to pause, but I mean lost of people die right, lots of people who didnt have half the good life that Chase did, so it's kinda selfish to ask that of the world, but I feel a loss. He's goen from my life, and I feel that and that is real to me.
I can't write. I need to write, but I was writing the lead male role (the only real male role) in my beloved Trinidad, for Chase. Just two Sundays ago I told hiim at Brian's superbowl party....Chase I am still writing this part for you, we'll finally get to act together. I will continue to write that part for him....no one will be able to fill his part. I will honor him with my work...once I can start doign it again, because right now I can't. I can't write it, I dont' want to. Not yet. I don't want to confirm with creative ink that he is gone. I'll remember him writing here...but not like that.
I don't want life to be normal without him. He was my kindred spirit. I dont think he knew how big of a part he played in my life.
God Chase. How can you be gone? You're my family here. You're the reason I saw plays.
Who wouldve thought, years ago, that we'd be here, you a good friend, and now gone because of some stupid ass who thought he was okay to drive. Anybody else. why you? I just don't knwo. And I don't want the answer yet.
I can't write. I need to write, but I was writing the lead male role (the only real male role) in my beloved Trinidad, for Chase. Just two Sundays ago I told hiim at Brian's superbowl party....Chase I am still writing this part for you, we'll finally get to act together. I will continue to write that part for him....no one will be able to fill his part. I will honor him with my work...once I can start doign it again, because right now I can't. I can't write it, I dont' want to. Not yet. I don't want to confirm with creative ink that he is gone. I'll remember him writing here...but not like that.
I don't want life to be normal without him. He was my kindred spirit. I dont think he knew how big of a part he played in my life.
God Chase. How can you be gone? You're my family here. You're the reason I saw plays.
Who wouldve thought, years ago, that we'd be here, you a good friend, and now gone because of some stupid ass who thought he was okay to drive. Anybody else. why you? I just don't knwo. And I don't want the answer yet.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
I am going to believe that when he tipped his hat to the camera when performing on letterman was for me :-)
So I texted him yesterday saying good luck on the show, give me a shout out yes? thinking that they tape in the morning to air at night,, doesn anyone know? do they tape the day before for the morning, I believe it's the mornign but now i have a terrible feeling its the day before, whatever, I am gonna believe the hat tipping was for me :-) and even if I find out its not, I wll believe it for fun
This Valentines, however, is not for my cat. It's for Chase.
Dara said it well, I iwll never be able to accept his death or get over it, but instead just learn to live with it remembering him. It's beenhelpful now that we've been around moreo people, and that we're planning a memorial service here in LA.
I can't help but think though of all the things i wanted to do with him yet, and tell him.
This Valentines, however, is not for my cat. It's for Chase.
Dara said it well, I iwll never be able to accept his death or get over it, but instead just learn to live with it remembering him. It's beenhelpful now that we've been around moreo people, and that we're planning a memorial service here in LA.
I can't help but think though of all the things i wanted to do with him yet, and tell him.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Follow Your Bliss
Last weekend, at my friend Brian's Birthday party, I stuck by my friend Chase's side the whole time. I mean he was really the only person i knew there, and I stuck by him the entire time until the end. At one point he asked me, like he often did either of a slice of pie or walking to the Grove, he asked," claudia, please tell me what this is all for. If this is all pointless and this earth is going on end, whats the point." I told him, as I Often did....well Chase there is no point, but thats why we have to live this life we're given to the fullest, and make it worth something while we're here."
My dear Chase, my wonderful boy, my dear friend Chase passed away this weekend when his car was hit on Saturday night by a drunk driver.
He wasn't finished. he just wasnt. He was one of the most talented actors I knew, so ambitious, so generous always helping everyone out, so kind. And he'd become my good friend since we both lived in LA. We'd spend hours talkign about everything because he was such a good listener and because he understood me, and I got him.
I remember when he used to walk we to class in college. Or how I taugh thim Cielito LIndo for the play he was in. Or the night he came out to Halloween and we had a cookie. or the time we went to the grove to see amovie and we ended up jsut walking around, talking, drinking lemonade, looking through picture books at borders.
We had so many plans. We wanted to do so many things, He had his own plans too of course. I had planned to go to acting class with him tonight, and though I'll still be going it will be without him, and instead will be to meet with his company to plan a memorial for him.
Once, that night we had pie in the middle of the night, he talked to me about Joseph Campbell. He was sooo inspired by this man. So because of him, I read his book, and that book has changed me in many ways. Chase always quoted Joseph Campbell. "Follow your bliss."
Chase. I will Follow m y bliss, in memory of you and how you inspired me in many ways to be who I am. Thank you.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
A Good Man and Honey Bees
Last night, I saw the documentary, An Unreasonable Man, the Ralph Nader documentary, which my friend Ellie had done everything for, including Production Coordinator and Production Assistant and Researcher...her first job out here in LA.
I recommend for everyone to see it when it releases in your hometown. No matter what preconceptions you have of the man, or come out with, it is truly a documentary that inspires progress, and reason, and resistance. It's a different point of view of what the media gives us of this incredible man who now I believe is the best "american" I know of.
So why is he called an unreasonable man?
Here's the quote it opens with:
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
-George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman (1903)
"Maxims for Revolutionists"
The way I am thinking of this next election is changing, as is my desire to throw myself into activism a little sooner. No president since before Reagan has remotely shown such a strong desire for reform and service to the American People as Ralph Nader. Afterall, he's the reason we have seatbelts, airbags, nutritional labels on foods, and countless other more important and significant laws that govern our safety and well being. Check out the documentary and then research and learn for yourself.
AND NOW A WORD ABOUT BEES
According to a news report I saw, Bees are mysteriously dying off. They called it something like colony-ocide something or other. SO they gave these little bees little bee autopsies to find out why thery were dying and it turns out they have a form of little Bee AIDS. They found traces of every disease that affects bees in the little dead bees, because their immune system cannot withstand disease now.
SO what? right? Honey bees are dying, they sting people, and honey is too sugary anyway for fat americans. Well it turns out Bees pollinate almost all the crops of produce we cosumer.....strawberries, cucumber, soybeans, corn, etc. and if those bees are not around to do so then those crops, and our produce supply will suffer.
Now they still don't know why the bees are more vulnerable to disease, but I want to speculate a bit. Not too long ago I was informed by a PHD friend of mine who studies this sort of thing that soon (soon in history of humans years) we will no longer have bananas, the bananas of the kind that we eat on a regular basis. The problem is the insecticides and the genetic modifications performed on the bananas...they have mutated them so much that eventually bananas will not be able to reproduce. I haven't heard of anyone trying to genetically modify bees, but I do believe the cause of the problem stems from the same party...US.
Our bad habits on this planet do no just concern car emissions, using non-aerosol hairspray, and recyclying cans....(though i owuldn't be surprised if what was killing th bees is trhe poisonous air we force them to live in now),Global Climate Change has already been corroborated, theres not doubt, but we are affecting our world on a smaller level, and if we don't start supporting the politicians and organizations that represent our concerns about our environment, and we don't start changing our lifestyles, sacrificing a little, for the sake of us and generations to come, not only will our kids not have enough bananas and produce to live by, but they'll be sufferring in a radically changed world and they'll only have their grandparents to blame.
Ok.
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